d_s_t_e's Wattpad Reviews

The Kirlia Girl by EeveelutionBrandi [Pokémon]

Wanona has earned fame as an opener and closer of Pokémon Contests in Hoenn. Her skills are unmatched and her fans adore her, but what happens when a person from her past threatens to expose her deepest secret?

The thing that I enjoyed most about this story was the depiction of the relationship between Wanona and Brenden. Although I didn't understand her reaction to him in the initial part of the book, I became more and more invested in it as the story went on. First there are hints at some mysterious event in the past that's caused her to develop a certain bitterness towards him, then that bitterness erupts into full on interpersonal tension. The scene in which they begin to argue in the ice cream parlor is so well executed. Their perspectives are both believable and completely understandable. The dialogue is well-written. The emotions are strong and palpable. I definitely felt like I was in the moment, and I loved the way that Brenden storms out.

(Spoiler warning) The way that the two characters ultimately reconcile is also heartwarming and creates a beautiful symmetry in the plot. The fact that Brenden succeeds in saving her in the exact same way that she blames him for having failed to save her in the past is absolutely poetic, and I love the authenticity of the emotions on both sides. You can really tell that Brenden cares about her, and you can really see that Wanona has undergone a significant personal development. I also love the way that her pride causes her to literally fall, and that it's not even her physical weakness that does her in so much as the internal weakness of the mindset that she has developed around that physical condition.(Spoilers end)

I actually believe that the plot of this story could be even stronger, though. There's one thing that I saw as a major flaw in it that affects a lot of different areas of the book, and that is the way that the book handles Wanona's gender identity. The issue is that I don't actually know what it is, and, based on the comments on the book, I don't believe that I'm alone in this. 

I do obviously know that Wanona is always referred to with feminine pronouns. I also know that the author has openly said that she is transgender. The problem is that the character doesn't really show evidence of any gender identity in particular. If not for the feminine pronouns, which persist even while she takes on a male appearance, I would have ended up concluding that the character is non binary or gender fluid because she does not seem at all bothered by switching back and forth between her female and male identities, and, when asked later in the story, simply says that she doesn't know if she will ever go back to being male.

I will admit to not even being close to an expert in this topic, but I would expect a transgender person who identifies as female would feel uncomfortable or out of place or something similar while taking on a male appearance and pretending to be a male. I'm not transgender, but I do identify as female, and having to take on a male appearance would feel uncomfortable and just not right for me. I think I would actually really hate that, and I'm not even in the position where anyone is trying to force me into it. I can tell you that I definitely wouldn't say that I want to continue being female just because I'm used to being known this way (as Wanona does in the eighth chapter). My reasons for maintaining my identity are much deeper than that.

This is why it surprises me that we as the readers don't get more insight into Wanona's thoughts and feelings surrounding her gender identity. Given her situation, I would expect her to be having a lot of very complex emotions. What exactly those are depend on what her identity is, which I feel like I don't have a good enough grasp on to even speculate about what she would be feeling in different situations in the book. This is a bit of a problem in terms of the plot because if I'm not told how the character is feeling and can't reliably guess, it's difficult to follow the internal conflict of Wanona worrying about her secret being exposed.

I actually don't know why she wanted her secret to be kept. Is she doing a Hannah Montana-esque act in which she simply wants to use her identity as Wally to escape from the pressures of fame? Does she want to keep her secret only from Brenden because she never told him that she transitioned and she thinks he'll be angry about her not telling him? Is she trying to keep her prior identity a secret because of cultural pressures and taboos? At one point in the story, Wanona remarks that no one would think of her and Brenden as a romantic couple in spite of the fact that they are in a place filled with couples who are doing the exact same thing that they are, which suggests that homosexual relationships are frowned upon in this society. In the fifth chapter, she wonders if the fans and contests are worth the cover-up. Is she saying that she wouldn't be allowed to perform anymore if people knew that she is not cisgender? Knowing the answers to these questions would make a big difference for the story as a whole, and it would really help the readers feel even more engaged with it.

Really, any one of the possible narratives here makes for a really interesting and compelling premise. It would also be an incredibly original one, as I've personally never read a story that takes on any of these issues before (unless it really is just a Hannah Montana scenario, but boy I hope it's more than that).The thing is that I'm sure the author knows exactly what was intended, which means it would be so easy to fix by adding a few more details about Wanona's thoughts and feelings and a bit more clarification about her identity. I feel like it would be such a simple fix, but sadly I don't think the author realizes it's necessary in order for the readers to really understand the story as intended.

Apart from this, I will say that the descriptions of Wanona's performances are quite interesting. There was obviously a lot of creative thought that went into them, but I feel like they stop just short of being something really special. There's an excellent set up, but I often feel like I'm missing just a few details that would be needed for me to really be able to picture what is going on. How does Wanona move her hands in "a DNA spiral pattern" without getting her arms entangled? What does it look like for mist to "condense and intertwine"? Does it form some kind of pattern like a braid or a weave or a knot? Does it become so tightly packed that it forms some kind of ball that can't even be seen through anymore? Does it swirl around like there's wind blowing it in all directions? Also, what exactly is a "wintery volcano show"? Again, having answers to these questions would take things up from being good to being awesome.

Speaking of which, the story would also be improved with some editing. The dialogue is formatted incorrectly throughout the entire thing, and there are some misspellings, verb errors, typos, and punctuation errors scattered throughout. There aren't a large number of them (discounting the dialogue-related errors), but some of them fall in unfortunate spots. The first sentence of the story, for example, is really awkward to read, which gives off an unfortunate first impression. It's a real shame, too, as there's some great descriptive detail in it which would provide an excellent first impression if the long and confusing sentence were only split into two clean ones.

Overall, this short story is good and definitely enjoyable to read, but it has a few flaws that hold it back from being all that it could be. I could easily see this becoming a real gem, but it's in need of a bit of polishing before it can truly shine.