9 | anything but normal

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9 |

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9 |

anything but normal


I KEEP STARING at the ceiling, absentmindedly thrumming my fingers against the top of my thigh. The mess in my head had grown during the last five days, and everything, thinking about even the most basic and simple things, makes me utterly confused.

"Connor and me? " I ask Cassidy, who has arrived half an hour ago, after I finally gave in and called her. I know all the reasons why I shouldn't have done that, but I also know why I needed to. I don't want to be guessing at what is real, and what is just a trick of my fucked-up imagination.

"Still not talking," she responds, from across the room, but I don't make an attempt to look at her, "I'd go ahead and say it has actually gotten worse, after the fight you two had."

The fight. One of the goddamn memories I'm still stuck on, no matter how hard I try to remember. I could ask Cassidy, but something about her answers makes me feel like she's feeding me the answers in codes, and this one probably wouldn't be that different.

I know all too well what Cassidy is like. She can manipulate things the way she wants, and she's damn good at manipulating people. She's been one of my best friends ever since the start of high school, and she has never tried to manipulate me, but that doesn't mean I agree with how she manipulates other people.

I know she's wondering why I called her over tonight, I can see it in her watchful eyes once I turn my head to the side and look at her. But I also think she might be getting ahead of herself here, thinking it for something that it's not.

In the past, I've always felt guilty around her. Mostly, because I know I hurt her. I broke her heart after Adam died, but my heart was already broken at that point, and I knew that as fucked-up as the whole situation was, she understood. She stayed around, hoping that once I healed, things would go back to normal. That I would snap right back to the pattern of loving her, the way she still loves me. But they never did. Because as much as I tried, I only got myself more damaged in the process.

That's why I'm better off this way. Maybe I'm already beyond the point of repair.

"But," she says after a long beat of silence, squirming a little in the chair beside the huge table, "he was at the hospital."

That gets my attention, causing me to sit up. "What? When?"

Sighing, she looks down to her lap, nervously wringing her hands together. "He was there before I even got there, the day you had the accident. I don't know how he knew. . . but he was comforting Rose, so I guess she must've called him or something."

The little piece of information causes me to furrow my brows. Why would Rose call Connor as her first choice for comfort when she knows what kind of stance he has towards me? Connor hates my guts, and Rose is with Roger, and Connor . . . "Connor still pining after Jade?"

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