Let Me Help | Tyrus (complete!)

Why do you even care?

Cyrus had had a rough week, but this episode wasn't nearly as bad as usual. He had spent Monday in bed but was walking Nala by Wednesday. His parents had noticed but chose to give him space, they only opened his door to give him his dinner. During times like these, his mom always gave him encouraging post-it notes with pictures of cute dogs and quotes saying "You matter" and "Even waking up is an accomplishment." Cyrus' roughest episode was after his brother had died, he had spent two weeks in the dark and didn't feel like himself for another year, that was when he was 13. That was when his parents had decided to put him on SSRI's.

"Hey there champ," Todd had said as Cyrus was finishing up the homework Buffy had dropped off. Cyrus was sitting on his bed with Nala in his lap. Having her there always made the world feel more manageable.

Cyrus looked small and beaten down. He knew he had nothing to be sad about, but he felt horrible anyways. It was as if the sadness of seven billion people had been transported to his chest, it was unbearable. In a small voice, he said, "Hi."

"Hey, honey. Feeling any better?" his mom said as both of his parents sat on the bed. His sets of parents tended to trade off on this after-depressive-episode-speech.

Cyrus closed his book and held his breath, "Yea" he said under his breath.

"Honey we've talked about this. You can't keep going off your meds whenever you feel like. They're there to help you" His mom had said as she gently finger-combed his hair.

"Yea I know mom," He knew it was a mistake to stop taking them, but he just wanted some control over his life. 

"Cyrus, what is it? Why have you gotten so distant? Is it the teenager thing or something else?" Todd said as he sat next to his wife.

Cyrus shrugged, his eyes started to water. Don't be so lame he thought what is it this time anyway? Why do you always have to be such a baby?

"Let's try another question," his mom said gently "why'd you go off your meds Cy? You haven't touched them at all this year. You know this always happens when you go off them."

Cyrus looked up at the ceiling for inspiration, hope, courage, anything he didn't have. "I-" he started, but he couldn't finish, his tears had caught up with him. He sobbed into Nala's fur. "I-" he tried again, only to get caught on his own emotions, "I don't know, I-" he felt his parents rub his back, he felt their compassion." I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so so sorry." he pleaded to no one in particular. He didn't know what was happening to him, everything felt like too much, too little, too confusing. It was too much for a 15 year old.

"What do you need from us, Cyrus?" His mom said as she brushed his bangs back, He couldn't look into her eyes. "We're here for you, all four of us." All Cyrus could do was nod and cry. Normal he thought, I just want to be normal.

Cyrus had spent a good part of the week wallowing in his own misery, but he was feeling more like himself after he had cried in front of his parents. He spent the rest of that day finishing homework and texting his friends. Andi and Buffy (and even Jonah) had made sure to flood his phone with dumb vine compilations and cat videos. Andi had even come over to give him his very own flower crown, complete with daisies and baby's breath. They had crowned him 'Prince of the Good Hair Kingdom.' Even Nala had gotten a little crown. Buffy had dropped off his homework and hugged him for twenty minutes straight, she knew her words wouldn't help him. Jonah had flood his dm's with cat videos and frisbee videos, occasionally cats playing frisbee and anything else Jonah thought was entertaining. Cyrus had expected his friends to contact him, but he didn't expect TJ to text him at all that week, he didn't think he'd notice his absence. Cyrus felt as though he couldn't reply to TJ's messages. Sure, he had spilled his guts to him the other night, but their friendship was just different. He didn't want him to see him like this. He liked the idea of TJ thinking he was as put together as his outfits. Buffy, Andi, and Jonah all knew he wasn't perfect, but TJ had only seen him fall apart once, and that time wasn't even that bad.