We've Got You

Part 9

Louis eyes the skateboard in the corner of joeys room, Harry and Drew are waiting in the waiting room for Louis to finish his appointment, along with the police officer who tagged along.

Joey notices Louis's eyes fixed on the skateboard and smiles.

"Its there for you to use kiddo, if you'd like" Joey encourages.

Louis looks to Joey, he likes Joey, he has a trusting vibe and sincereness about him that Louis loves.

"You can use anything in this room when you're here, make yourself at home while we chat" Joey says.

Louis looks back at the skateboard and gets up to have a look at it.

"I haven't skated since my parents died" he whispers out as he picks it up and looks it over fondly.

"You haven't done a lot of things since they died" Joey says and Louis sighs.

He puts the skateboard back and heads back to the couch to sit down. He can't go there right now.

"Did you like to skate?" Joey asks,

"Yeah, I was good at it, my dad built me a ramp in our backyard" Louis says smiling at the memory.

"Do you miss your parents?" Joey asks.

"Everyday, but, I'm still mad at them and I hate myself for it" Louis says as he looks at his fingers.

"Mad because they left you with the Bolton's?" Joey clarifies.

"Mad that they didn't take me with them, that they left me here alone, that they taught me to never hate anyone or anything, to always be kind and never hurtful towards others. I hate myself for thinking bad thoughts about the Bolton's when it was my fault they did what they did, I can't help it though and I just hate that I hate them" Louis says as he tries to explain his feelings without losing it and crying yet again.

"You're still having nightmares about the Bolton's and what they did to you?" Joey asks.

"Yeah" Louis shrugs.

"When did they start?" Joey asks.

"Um, I dunno, I've always had them, since I was there but they are worse since I escaped" Louis says.

"Well first of all we're going to work on those nightmares and about blaming yourself for everything that's happened" Joey says.

"If you're going to tell me that it's not my fault, I won't believe you" Louis says.

"That's fine kiddo, you don't have to believe me, even though it's not your fault, that you have nothing to be ashamed about, you're a victim in all of this. We're going to work on acceptance and how to come to terms with that and in turn you will learn to love yourself again" Joey says,

Tears prick Louis eyes, he wants that so badly but he doesn't think he deserves it.

"How do you feel about being placed with Scott, Harry and the boys" Joey asks then

"Um, lucky I guess, that they even want me" Louis says.

"I know you must have been upset when you thought you had to go back to the Bolton's" Joey says.

Louis shuts his eyes breathing hard, before he opens them and starts talking.

"I thought about killing myself, I'm sorry for thinking about it, I know other people have it worse than me but I can't go through that again, I just can't" Louis says choked.

"Slow deep breaths kiddo, don't be sorry for your thoughts Lou, you've had a very tough run and been through horrific things. You want to know something?" Joey asks and Louis nods sniffling.

"Anger, violence, suicide, hatred.....that's what I usually see after someone has been through something like you have. The fact that you are sitting here, with hatred directed at yourself shows me how strong, resilient and kind hearted you are. You're a wonderful kid, who would rather blame himself than think of the bad in someone else. You have every single right to hate and want harm to come to the Bolton's, but you don't, you want to move past it all and start living again. I'm not saying it's going to be easy, but I'm here to help you do that and I need you to let me and to let me in. I want openness between you and me and the boys, I think it's a good idea to involve them in as much as we can. Can you do that? Can you work with us on this?" Joey says.

Louis is shocked that Joey has him figured out already, he trusts Joey to help him and if he can't then he can't, but Louis has to try. He wants to try.

"Yeah, I can try" Louis whispers.

Joey beams back, that's all he asks, that Louis tries.

.....

After Joey fills Harry and Drew in on everything, they take Louis home, he's got another appointment next week. It's a quiet drive home as their car is tailed by police. Louis looks out the window as it starts raining heavily.

"You okay kiddo?" Drew asks,

Louis knows they've been watching him carefully through the rear view mirror.

"Are you mad at me?" Louis asks shyly.

"What for?" Harry asks confused.

"Cause Joey told you I wanted to kill myself, and after you took me in at your own expense and, I didn't mean to sound ungrateful or anything, I just....." Louis starts.

"Ohh baby no, no no it's okay, we don't think you're ungrateful at all" Harry says.

"We understand Louis, we do, we are just glad we can be here for you, that you're ours now" Drew says.

Louis relaxes a little and sinks back in his chair.

"Are Troy and Noah following us" Louis asks.

Harry and Drew sigh.

"We're not sure but.....it's likely" Drew says from the drivers seat.

"If you get hurt because of me, I'll never forgive myself, I know you all love me, I really do but I understand if it's too much. Please don't feel obligated or guilty if you want me to live somewhere else" Louis says.

"Louis, you're right, we love you more than we can tell you and when you love someone you do everything and anything to make them happy and healthy and to keep them safe. Believe me, we knew what we were getting into, if we wanted to steer clear we would have but we want you and only you. This will all be over soon, we promise" Harry says.

"We promise we will keep you safe and nothing will happen to us or you" Drew says.

Louis sighs and just looks out the window at the rain, he feels a bit lost and it makes him anxious. He knows Troy and Noah will be out there, angry as hell and that they will be blaming Louis and wanting revenge.