falling in love too early

h e a r t b r o k e n

6-5-18
*3:26 p.m.*
*ding*
me: "ooh baby"
Me: *opens phone to see what James said*
James: "I'm breaking up with you"
Me: "what?"
Me: "why?"
James: "because when I'm tired and trying to sleep you call and text me and it really fucking pisses me off"
Me: *hands phone to Ace and curls up into a ball because my heart was just shattered*
Ace: *starts texting James*

I don't know what happened after I handed my phone to Ace... They texted James and I was so hurt that I couldn't even cry... My first broken heart. 10 days and it would've been our 3 month... 10 damn days... I didn't know what to do... I didn't know how to handle this... I was so hurt I could hardly speak...

*later that day at Ashlee's house*
I'm more depressed than I've ever been... I just wanted to cry... Let it all out... But I couldn't... I wanted to die more than ever that day... Then that day turned into that week... Then that month... Then the next month... Then the next... And the next... I couldn't get over him... I just couldn't... But in between... I told ashlee I liked her. And she said she liked me back. So I asked her out. And she didn't reply.. So I said sorry but then she replied. She said yes. I was finally happy again. But she was in California and I couldn't see her.. But I honestly already felt myself loving her.. And then.. the next thing I know.. That ends too... But I can't cry.. Because I'm about to leave my house, with my mom... Ash said she was over thinking everything and she couldn't handle it.. So I was kind of ok with that.. And then we became friends with benefits. And I may or may not have kissed her. She didn't kiss back so she doesn't count it.. But I do.. I love her.. And James.. But James never loved me.. And deep down.. I know ash didn't either.. But I like to think she did..