facade (bryler)

rejection. (II)

TW: mental breakdown/anxiety attack

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class went by slow for Brendon. way too slow. he was bored and boredom got him to think. he hated that. he hated being alone with his thoughts. being forced to deal with them. of course he could've payed attention to the teacher but that was even worse. his mind was running on the bad side of his scalp again. his eyes were trained on his desk. 

usually he would have been sat in the middle and his mind would've been distracted by the others. by his friends. tho he never considered them his friends. Brendon urie didnt have any friends. too big the fear someone could get too attached and start worrying. they would question his behaviors outside of school. because thats what friends did right? hang out after school. he just couldn't risk that.

30 minutes into the first period and all he's done was staring off into nothing while mrs. Langford wouldn't shut her mouth. but Brendon soon got ripped out of his thoughts when mrs. Langford left the room, probably to copy something, and one of his "friends" turned around in his row to face him. "Bren," he adressed. his hair was hanging over his forehead and he was really tall. he was probably the closest to Brendon out of all. 

eyes snapping up Brendon looked at the tall boy. "dallon?" he responded expecting him to continue. dallons eyes shifted to Tyler for just a split second before meeting Brendons again. "why you sitting back here?" he finally asked. Brendon shrugged, implying he didnt know. he really didnt. he got his attention drawn towards the brunette now next to him. "dunno. felt like it." he answered shortly. his mind still wasn't there fully so he had a hard time really giving a big explanation. he didnt need one either, he told himself. 

dallon seemed to accept that with a quick nod. "alright," he went on thinking about his next words like he has been struggling with the next thing he was going to say a lot. Brendon knew what was coming tho. this wasn't the first time he was asked what he was about to be asked. this wasn't the first time dallon gave him this exact face before he asked. Brendon let out a sigh but didnt cut him off. 

"do you wanna hang out after school?" dallon finally asked hope in his eyes. Brendon looked at him for a few seconds before shaking his head a little. "sorry dall, Im busy." he excused getting a quiet groan out of dallon. his expression was pained. Brendon was sorry. he really was but there was no way they could hang out. "c'mon bren. we never hang out-" Brendon cut him off. "really sorry. maybe another time." he lied but dallon seemed to accept it. he nodded with a sigh. "fine." he ended the conversation with that as he turned back to the front.

Brendon felt like shit. he struggled to push out breaths regularly after that. inhale, exhale its not that hard. he told himself. his breaths were very uneven as his eyes blinked more quick now. he hoped Tyler wouldn't notice. since mrs. Langford just came back he really was the only person who possibly could've noticed.

inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale- he kept thinking until he noticed Tyler glancing at him from the corner of his eye. his expression was weirded out and all Brendon could do at the moment was stare at him. stare and hope he just casually glanced. Tyler slowly started to turn his head towards the raven haired. Brendon cursed himself and started sweating. quickly acting from impulse he cracked a very big grin at the shorter one. he sticked his tongue out and winked with a faint moan. to his fortune that freaked Tyler out. he even blushed from what Brendon assumed was disgust. 

well there went his chance to talk to him anymore. but that was fine. he thought. he didnt want to build a friendship anyways. he never did. after that Brendon sighed feeling even worse than before. at least he knew the class would've ended soon. thats all he wished for, the class to end already. that being thought the bell ringed and as fast as possible Brendon stood straight with a fast and loud heartbeat.