Snow on the Roads (adopted by twenty one pilots SEQUEL)

//thirteen - do people love me yet//

Song of the Chapter: Am I Pretty, The Maine

I woke up the next morning and found Vic sitting outside of the buses at the gas station everyone stopped at. Today was their last show before Pierce the Veil left. He looked up as I walked over, fishing my phone from his pocket and handing it to me. He's been taking my phone at night since everything got so bad.

Vic blocked Lex's number but she found so many other ways to contact me. I think he knew that too, but had no way to fully control it. "Last day?" I asked quietly, knowing the answer but not wanting it to be true. "Sadly," he replied, standing up and hugging me tightly. "You look better Lane."

On the outside, I did look better. I looked as if I wasn't drowning in the world, but inside, it was terrible, worse than ever before. Eating a normal amount made my weight gain back and regulate quickly, but I hated the change. It was driving me mad. And everything is getting harder to do. But I can hide it better. I've had so much practice with Pete and Vic watching me. It should get easier once they leave tour, but i also didn't want to see them go. All of PTV was actually helping to distract me even a little.

"Lane?" Vic questioned, waving a hand in front of my face. I blinked a couple of times before replying. "Yea, um, yea I am." He looked skeptical, pulling me into his chest again and exhaling deeply. "Keep me in touch when we leave, please." He sounded scared and desperate. I nodded before saying goodbye and going back in the bus, sitting in the back lounge and scrolling through the hate from my performance. There was a lot of it, but it wasn't quite as terrible as I thought. But Lex was still talking and the thoughts were still piling. Josh walked in and sat next to me, throwing his arm around my shoulder and staring at me. "Can I help you?" I asked amused. He smiled and looked down.

"Are you gonna be okay with the PTV guys gone?" I thought about it for a second, knowing I wouldn't be. "Yea, they have lives they have to live. No reason for them to waste more time." Josh stared at me again, his eyes much more serious now than they were at the beginning of this conversation. "You're not a waste of time, Lane." I nodded, faked a smile, and stood up, walking off the bus that got to the venue around the corner and calling  Drew.

"Hey," he answered, his voice having that normal perky edge to it. It made me smile just hearing it. "Hey," I replied, finding my way through the venue and into an empty dressing room. "What's up?" he asked. "The Pierce guys leave today." I heard him exhale deeply, like a weight got dropped on top of him. "What's Lex been saying?" I questioned. "Lane, you know I'm not going to say anything." Drew didn't know, at least wasn't told, that she was still messaging me. I knew everything she was saying, but me bringing it up may have gotten me out of talking about parting with Vic. "I know, I'm sorry. I just wanted to check in. I have to go to soundcheck. I'll talk to you soon. I love you." With that, I hung up. Talking to anyone since things got back to "normal" was near impossible. My anxiety was back to being through the roof 100% of the time and even talking to him on the phone freaked me out. I felt guilty, like the most ungrateful brat to ever exist. But in the end, everyone thought of me like that.

I went back outside to the buses and walked back into ours, making sure that Josh was gone before walking to the bunks and climbing into mine. I never slept, ever. It was too hard to stop thinking. But I had started to like just laying in the dark, thinking the day away until everyone went to sleep and I pretended to. It was an escape from "recovery," even though sitting there just made me want to run from anything that even resembled that word. Eventually, I drifted off into a light sleep, dreaming of Alex like I always did when I somehow got my mind to shut off.

A few hours later, the show had ended and the guys were all saying goodbye. I stayed on the bus, knowing that I couldn't look any of them in the eye and say goodbye as if I was perfectly fine. I said goodbye to them quickly backstage before running off. Sure, it hurt to not see them go, but it would hurt worse to watch their bus go back to San Diego and ours to go farther Midwest. I took the time to walk into the bathroom, turning on the shower so no one would assume anything, and staring at the mirror. I looked like I did when everyone thought I had gotten better, when everyone thought I'd gotten to the point where happiness was long term.

But comparing the picture of me from then to the me from a few weeks ago, my brain still made that skeleton look so appealing. Maybe people wouldn't torture me if I looked like that. Maybe I could be happier if I looked better. I don't want to be what I was before, but just better. Smaller, better style, more makeup. I could be happy if I just was smart about how to do this. Exercising, skipping a few meals here and there, and smiling like I used to, putting up a front. I could do this.

"Lane, you sure you don't want to say goodbye?" I heard Tyler ask through the door. My hands started to shake as I answered, turning off the shower in the process. "I'm sure."

"Lane, Vic really wants to see you. Please?" I sighed before opening up the door and seeing him standing there, glancing worriedly between my eyes and the floor. He took my hands and saw them shaking before hugging me. "Anxiety still bad?"

"No," I said quietly before hugging him back. "Just cold." He looked down at me, searching my eyes. "Lane," he trailed off, still staring at me, studying my face and trying to see how to fix it all. "They're about to leave, I have to go." I walked away and into the parking lot, seeing a group of guys huddled around the Pierce bus. I didn't want to go over there. I didn't want to say goodbye to them. I didn't want to smile and laugh and pretend. But I had to.

"Hey," Tony said as he hugged me, which I gladly reciprocated. "You ready to head home?" I asked tiredly, looking up to him. "Yea, but we're all gonna miss you guys." I nodded and smiled as Tony got pulled into a hug by Brendon. I moved on, hugging Jaime and Mike before finally doing what I dreaded the most. "Hey Vic," I whispered, wrapping my arms around him and holding in tears. "Hey, you doing okay?" I nodded, refusing to move my head from his chest. "You sure?" I finally looked up, and seeing his worried eyes made everything even worse. "100%. I'll miss you. Text me once you get home." He nodded and kissed my head before I walked away, getting into the bus and shutting the door. I couldn't even make it to the living room before breaking into tears. I rushed into the bathroom knowing everyone, including Tyler, was outside. Looking into that mirror, I knew what I had to do. I had to become perfect.

A/n: I know it's been a long time so I'm sorry guys. Hope you like the new chapter. Love you guys |-/