Snow on the Roads (adopted by twenty one pilots SEQUEL)

//sixteen - againg face//

Lane's POV
I woke up with my head laying carefully on Drew's chest. His eyes were closed and his mouth hung openly just a little as his chest raised and lowered slowly. I must had fallen asleep while we were talking in my bunk. It really isn't surprising considering I only ever slept for a couple hours at a time. I checked my phone and was blinded with the light of 3:00am staring back. I groaned quietly before closing my eyes and trying to fall back asleep, but after ten minutes and racing thoughts I knew it was pointless. My phone lit up with notifications so I snuggled further into Drew and scrolled through, once again seeing Lexs post about Alex. The comments were just as mean as Lex has been in the post, and with every new one I read the more my stomach churned and my thighs burned.

I unraveled myself from Drew's side and carefully rolled out of my bunk and went to the back lounge where my back pack was. I didn't feel the same anymore, I felt completely out of control. It was like i was watching myself as I pulled out the black lighter box and journal I kept hidden. In the journal I wrote and i wrote, pages of words that I can't even remember. Eventually I was pouring the metal into my hand and staring at it shining gracefully in the light. I picked up my phone and somehow Vic's number was on the screen and his voice was filtering through. It was only midnight there, so he was up, sounding antsy like he just got done writing for the night. I remember the conversation, but I had no control over what I was saying.

"Hey Lane, doing okay sweetie? It's late over there isn't it?"

"Do you ever think about how we can see such terrible things as beautiful when we're desperate enough?"  He paused for a second, not really knowing where to go with this.

"Lane, are you okay? What kind of terrible things?" He said cautiously, trying to entertain my questions while checking my head space.

"There are so many terrible things Vic. People are terrible, and what happens in the world is terrible, and so are the things we turn to when we get so tired of it all are even worse." I choked up a little as the words left my lips, I hadn't even noticed I was tearing up. Insides, I couldn't feel anything.

"Lane, sweetie, is anyone else awake?" I didn't answer, and he took that as a no. "What happened?"

"Why am I so sick that I can call all of the terrible things I do to myself and to my family beautiful? Why is it so beautiful Vic? I don't understand," I cried, my heart galloping against my chest. "Check my tagged pictures Vic, all of it is true." I heard him gasp as he read, and i could almost see the sad light of his eyes the further he saw.

"Lane, it's not true. It's all wrong. She isn't right, she's so terrible wrong darling. None of this was your fault."

"Why are people so mean Vic? Do they know the thing that I do to myself because of it?" I hiccuped from my crying which made my hand jump rigidly and sent the blade up into the air slightly and land with a pointed end into my finger. I took a sharp inhale in at the sting, sending Vic to panic.

"Lane, you don't have to do that okay? Listen, put it down and just listen for a second. Don't you dare do it." I stayed silent, like my brain shut off completely. I heard him talk to someone else, something about calling someone. "Lane?"

"Who's with you Vic?" I heard him sigh, from what seemed to be relief and defeat.

"Mike."

"And who is he calling?" I said, venom in my voice.

"No one, yet. Lane I need to make sure you're okay, otherwise I know who I'm calling."

"I'm fine Vic, leave me alone."

"Lane, please." I felt more tears push themselves down my cheeks.

"Nothing is beautiful anymore unless it hurts. Music feels emotionless, food stings, people are burdened by me, the only beauty I have anymore is my pain. And I'm so tired Vic." With that, I hung up. Part of me was screaming at myself, telling myself to call him back, wake someone up, get help, don't do it. But I picked up the blade and slid them effortlessly across my thighs, moving to my upper arms, forearms, stomach, sides, anywhere. Suddenly arms were wrapped around me and hand wrapped around mine pushing the blade from my palm. Everything was still dark in the room and the person was now holding me into them as I cried while they pushed towels to my skin. "Lane, baby, look at me." My head tilted up and as soon as I met Drew's eyes, i was back in myself, fully aware. "Drew," i whimpered, grabbing a towel and pushing it to my thighs as I hyperventilated into his chest. "I didn't mean to, i didn't know what was happening. Oh by god, Vic."

"Shh, baby. He's on the phone on the table. He called me and told me to look for you. You okay?" I shook my head and sobbed, the tears mixing into the red streak on my hands. "Just the relapse? Didn't do anything else?" I shook my head profusely. "Okay, here. Talk to Vic while I clean you up okay?"

"I'm so sorry Drew."

"Don't worry about it beautiful. Just talk to Vic."

"Vic? Vic, I'm so sorry."

"Shhhh," he whispered. Listen to the song okay?" Hold on Till May played as the familiar notes and beats calmed me. Soon enough, as Drew finishes the bandages and wrapped me into his chest, the song was finishing. As it did, Vic whispered "Darling. You'll  be okay ."

"I love you Vic. Thank you."

"I love you too Lane. Stay safe babygirl."

He hung up as I stayed in Drew's arms and looked up to him. "I never wanted  you to see me like this."

"I love you no matter what. You saw the post didn't you?"  I nodded and sniffled. "None of it is true Lane. You're amazing."

"Nothing is beautiful," I whispered once again, finally conscious enough to know exactly what I meant.