The Lost Fairytales

Chapter 7

After Scarlet brought up old stuff, I stayed in the back. They kept talking as if they'd all known each other for years and years, and it made my heart hurt. I wanted to talk with them too. I wanted to laugh, to share jokes. But I've always been scared to join conversations, especially when they seem so chummy.

Asen glanced back at me. I didn't even have to look this time to know. He's been glancing back at me for a while now. I don't really know why--or maybe I do, and I just don't want to admit it. But this time as he glanced back, he left the conversation and slowed down to walked beside me.

"Everything okay?" he asked. He's making it really hard to hate him. And strangely, after the argument, I really didn't want to hate him. At all. What he said really hurts me, but it still feels like...I don't know. I wanted to become friends with him now, so bad, either way. But I'm still scared he'll throw me away, just like everyone else.

Because it always ends up about Lindsay. 

"Hello? Earth to Billy, you in there?" Asen asked, rubbing a hand in front of me. I didn't even blink because I can be that aware but lost in thought.

"Yeah, I'm fine." I muttered, shooing his hand away.

"Are you sure? You looked pretty depressed."

Did I? Oh. I need to work better on hiding my emotions. "Um, that was just..."

"Thinking? Your resting b-word face?"

"Did you just say b-word? Why not just say bitch?"

"Because I don't like cursing. Don't change the subject, what was happening in your head? Was it about that depressing play you wrote?"

I jerked my head up. "You heard that?"

"Obviously. I hear a lot of things, that doesn't mean I have to intervene. Is it about that, though? What Scarlet said?"

I didn't answer. Honestly, I could tell him. I wanted to. But for some reason, I didn't. Instead I said, "Yeah. That, and our argument--"

"Wait, it's that bad? I didn't mean to be so mean, do I have to apologize again? How many times--"

"No, no, it's fine. Please don't apologize again." I don't even deserve it, I silently added, but the words never escaped my lips. "What you said, about acting and your scar..."

"That? You really do care. Well, do you want the long or short version?"

"Um..." I honestly didn't know. But right now, I didn't want to stop talking to him. I'd be left alone if he gave me the short version, I'm sure of it. Oskan or Scarlet might hear and ask for the longer and he explains to them--them, not me--and I'd end up forgotten. Again. A tiny voice inside me whispered, Isn't that okay? You don't deserve friends anyway.

I tamped the voice down. I was probably just overthinking and he'd still talk to me either way. "The long version."

"Okay. So, about ten years ago, I was home alone. My dad was out on date night with my mom, and my brother had some 'older kid' business to do. I got bored of watching TV and LEGOs, so I crept into my brother's room. He never let me in, and I knew he wouldn't come back until another half hour, so I looked around. It was dirty, that's for sure. I was about to leave because I don't like messy things, but something stopped me at the door. I turned around and looked under his bed, and found bags and bags of white powder. I didn't know what it was, but I remember seeing on TV that it was bad, so I took it all outside and buried it. My brother came back when I was half way through burying it. He was drunk, I could smell the alcohol from the car he came from, and he asked what I was doing. I outright told him, and he cursed and cursed...then he grabbed a flip blade and lunged at me. His friends were more sober than him, so they managed to get him off and call my parents. The ground was covered in blood, and it hurt to bad...I was in the hospital for a week.  I still can't see out of this eye." he said, tapping the eye with a scar.