WS Appraisal Room (OPEN)

03] Vanessa Gloria

Author: JPY_AM
Critique steward: juniperfest

[Title]

Itʼs pretty catchy. It boasts some sort of vibe that links with the storyʼs atmosphere itself— which is good. Your titleʼs simple; effortlessly promising, and definitely catches attention.

[Cover]

I have no idea nor experience upon criticizing covers, so please bare with me, lol. Anyway, I find your book cover

neat. Itʼs wellordered and pleasing to the eyes. Though, mali ‘yong nakalagay na author. Soooo, yeah.

[Description/ Summary]

Iʼm not relly fond of it. Actually, I wouldnʼt consider it as a summary, but more of an authorʼs note. A quote or even a dialogue might work, but simply calling the story “unbelievable” is a bit. . . off. Thatʼs my perspective, at least.

[Prologue/Blurb]
—

[Characterization]

Your main character's a strong female lead, and Iʼm over the moon to know that. Her family loves and cares for her. Vanessaʼs great, great grandmother, together with Joaquin, would risk anything for true love. I found no errors in this section because a character had their own kind of impact, disparate from one another. You did a nice job!

[Cleanliness]

Hereʼs a list of the errors Iʼve noticed:

— :; “mansyon” and
“probinsya” should be “mansiyon” and “probinsiya”. Kapag may katinig (consonant) na kasunod ‘yong SY, TY, atbp., may isisingit na letter “I” sa gitna.

— :; “ata” should be “yata” or “‘ata” (with an apostrophe).

— :; there are words that require spacing. “Aniko” should be “ani ko”, “nalang” should be “na lang”, atbp. Pretty sure na typographical errors lang sila, so I suggest to correct them if you have the time.

— :; misuse of “raw”
and “daw” and “rin” and “din”. Kapag katinig (consonant) ‘yong last letter ng kasunod na word, “daw” at “din” ang gagamitin. Though exception ang “w” at “y” dahil semivowels sila. Kapag patinig (vowel at semi-vowel), “raw”
at “rin”.

— :; “‘yung” should be “‘yong”.
As for your grammar, wala naman akong nakitang mali.

[Dialogue and Narrations]

Thereʼs one problem regarding dialogues.

— :; the punctuation mark at the end of a dialogue hinges on the action/phrase after it. Kapag dialogue tag ‘yong kasunod, comma (or question mark/ exclamationpoint) ang punctuation mark at lowercase ang dialogue tag.
e.g. “Are you okay?” he asked.
        “Iʼm fine,” she replied.
Kapag action naman ‘yong kasunod, tuldok (or question mark/exclamation point) ang punctuation mark at sentence case ang action.
e.g.  “Whatʼs that on your cheek?” Krystal leaned forward.
         “Itʼs probably nothing.” The girlʼs friend looked away.
To be fair, though, realistic ‘yong dialogues mo and maayos ang narrative style. Overall, you still did a nice job.
Plot, Twist, Uniqueness
The plotʼs unique, thatʼs for sure. As for the plot twist, it isnʼt astonishing, or mindblowing, but I still find it cool. Besides, from the first paragraph up to the last, your story piqued my interest. Not one detail of it bored me. Undoubtedly, itʼs intriguing.

Critique Steward's Note;
Hi again! Thank you very much for letting me criticize your story. Keep writing, and please smile, because youʼre loved ♡

Highest Steward,