"AND LAST QUESTION for today I promise how does that make you feel?"
I stare blankly at the petite women in front of me that had olive skin and curly copper hair. There's that question again 'How does that make you feel?' I have been asked that question a lot recently and it always leaves me with a churning feeling in my stomach and each time I've been asked this simple question I give the same answer and that was — nothing
Why don't I say anything?
Simply because I don't know how I feel and I haven't known how I feel in a few weeks all I know is that I feel numb and the only thing that makes me feel something — feel alive again — is music but none of that staff or volunteers get that when I try to explain to them that the only thing that helps is music, they believe I should talk it out and get my feelings heard but then how can you say what you are feeling if you don't feel anything?
After a few minutes of me staring blankly at the wall the red head who introduced herself as Rachel when I met her 58 minutes ago, sighs and scrawls something across a notepad before her warm brown gaze filters back to me "C'mom Elliot you need to speak to me, I can help you but only if you tell me why you did what you did, you haven't uttered one word to me since sitting down and your other two therapists said that you wouldn't speak to them either but you need to otherwise you can't be let out of here anytime soon" Rachel sighs
Again I don't say anything and let my eyes trail off the clock and onto the pasty yellow walls; the bright colour was supposed to make you feel positive and comfortable so I was told and then you are more likely to open up because you think it is a 'Safe space' but to me and most of the teens here in the hospital it we thought it was a way of mocking us
"Look Elliot I can only help you, if you let me help you, which means you need to talk to me" Rachel sighs once again and I nod continuing to stare at the pasty wall. I couldn't say anything because I didn't know what to say, I felt nothing, I don't feel regret for what I tried to do and what landed me in a jail for the mentally ill so I don't know why I have to pretend like I do in order to get out of here "Look I'm going to give you a journal and I want you to write whatever comes to mind --whatever you want to write it's your journal and next week when we meet again I will see what you have written you have to write something even if it is just a paragraph a day"
The red head handed me a journal with a brown leather cover and I snatch it off her harshly, before standing up and stomping out of the room without so. much as a good bye
* * *
A tap on my shoulder brings me to look up and into bright brown eyes before I pull my headphones off my ears and hang them around my neck loosely, the music still playing quietly through them "Mr Walker you need to come back in now, dinner is in five minutes" A nurse says before she walks back in the building
Puffing air through my lips, I pull the cord out of my phone roughly before tangling the cord around the phone and standing up running a hand through my already messy hair before walking across the grass shivering slightly under the cool wind as I cursed myself under my. breath
I should've kept an eye on the time
Dinner is always 6:30 sharp I was told that the first night I arrived how could I have forgotten after all I had only been here a few weeks, the longest three weeks of my life, my parents had dropped me off after being told that this would be the safest place for me to be for the time being by the councillor at the hospital and I normally always arrive ten minutes early in order to have my choice of seats, as I like to be on my own as some of the teen's here are more brain dead then the staff
I find myself wandering into the mess hall, not really focused on where I was going as I shuffled along dragging my feet and looking to the ground I had found myself plugging my headphones in my ear in an attempt to block out the world around me
Suddenly I find myself going down to the ground and I have to take a few steps backwards in order to catch myself, when I have my balance I sent a glare in the direction of the person who bumped into me and was about to snap at them but the person looks up just in time and I'm met with wide princess looking brown eyes and the threat that I was about to give died in my throat
"S-Sorry" The girl stammered and looked away and I realised I was still glaring and that must have freighted the poor girl and quickly softened my gaze and when she noticed she cleared her throat clearly not wanting to look weak "I'm sorry, I wasn't paying attention I had my headphones plugged in and on loud so I was listening to the music and not watching where I was going"
"No that was me" I shake my head
"What music were you listening to?" The girl raised an eyebrow
"Imagine dragons" I say and she chuckles
"Me too, there lyrics are just so relatable and it helps take my mind off this hellhole that my parents placed me in" She explains and I find myself chuckling along with her airy laughter, that seems to catch in the air.
I think I have finally found the one person in this place that didn't totally suck
YOU ARE READING
Bleeding Hearts || Elliot Walker
Teen Fiction| Rich Girls Series AU | We all know what happened to Elliot Walker when he met Melenie Philips, New York's sweetest darling but what happened before he met his one true match? What dark and dangerous secrets lie in Elliot's past that caused Hunter...
