The Great Misadventures of Classic Rock's Finest

The Drag Queen Conspiracy

Honestly I don't know what this book is anymore

-Pretz

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"Can I take this stupid dress off?" Mike Nesmith shifted uncomfortably as he adjusted the two-sizes-too-small dress.

"One more time, Mike."

"You said that the last time!"

"It's universal, mate. All directors say that to make you keep going." Davy pointed out.

"I don't care! I just want out of this dress!"

"Stop being such a stale baguette, Mikey."

"YOU'RE NOT THE ONE IN A DRESS, MICKY!"

"I already wore a dress for this stupid show!"

"Alright! We're done! You can take the dress off now." The director sighed and went to his office.

Mike booked it to the dressing room and slammed the door.

"What a drama queen." Davy retorted.

Peter furrowed his eyebrows, "Gee Davy, you think Mike feels bad wearing a dress because it will tarnish his reputation and everyone will make fun of him? Therefore he will no longer be seen as the serious one in the image that is The Monkees and then he'll be forgotten because he wasn't known to have a definitive role in the band?"

"What? Stop using big words. It's because the dress is uncomfortable." Micky explained.

Peter made a face and didn't speak.

"Micky?"

"Yeah Mike?"

"I can't get it off..."

"The dress?"

"No, the leotard...YES THE DRESS!"

"What do ya want me to do?"

"Help me!"

"Fine." Micky entered the dressing room to the sight of Mike Nesmith on his head, "what..."

"Oh my God, Micky-"

"Those are two very lovely people but it doesn't help when you're yelling at me." Micky pointed out as he grabbed part of the dress and tried yanking it off of Nesmith.

"Ow!"

"Stand still and maybe it won't hurt!"

Mike emitted 80's computer noises as the dress continued to fail at its job of coming off.

"Bad news, it's not coming off."

"Nooo, I thought it was off already." Mike sneered sarcastically.

"I'm only trying to help, I'm not the one who volunteered to be in a dress!" Micky shot back.

"I didn't volunteer! They forced me into the role because Davy was supposedly sick and could fit into the dress because he was 'bloated'."

"Wow, that's kind of a sad excuse."

"Tell that to the director."

"Never mind. The dress isn't coming off, you'll be a drag queen for the rest off your life." Micky shrugged then walked out of the dressing room.

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"Did it come off?"

"No, he looks like he's about to kill somebody."

"Doesn't he always?"

"Can't we just cut the dress off?"

"We could...or we can watch him struggle living his new life as a drag queen."