Unrequited || Jimin

2.3 | 젊 음

Y O U T H

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I didn't want to believe it.

Even when it was right in front of my face, I didn't want to see the truth and closed my eyes tight. That you're with her, that we couldn't ever be an 'us' -

That I'd fallen in love with someone who couldn't fall back for me.

For now I want to keep loving you, stubborn. So I tightened ignorance around my eyes like a blindfold and wore my bleeding heart on my sleeves and hoped you'd come back to me.

That afternoon I couldn't do anything at all.

My mind was a mess, cassette tapes in a tangle, and they all played a scene of you and the girl hugging each other close underneath the trees - where once you had kissed me gentle when we were young.

It almost felt ironic, in a way.

Dad wasn't home - he never was, not when it mattered. In the emptiness of my room, I was the loneliest I'd been.

I kept sneaking glances at your house, but you weren't there. We'd always rode the bus together back and forth for years now, and I thought you'd find me when I went home earlier than you did. But there were no signs from you - and no texts sent nor stones thrown against my window too.

The sea was in my lungs - the weight of missing you weighed me down.

And you didn't even notice my absence at all.

Anxiety caught at my edges, and I nearly burst apart to pieces. I hated it. I hated how fragile I could be, and I hated how much I needed you.

Heartbreak felt shimmering summer hot, even if Seoul was still coated in springtime. It's glass edges scratching my skin, it's prickly tears kissing my lashes.

I hurt in all the broken places you'd once touched.

And yet, when my phone lit up with a call, it was almost sad how quickly I rushed to pick it up.

"Jimin?" I breathlessly uttered, and hope was a desperate pulse in my veins. I wanted it to be you.

I wanted to be longed by you.

But the voice that rung through wasn't yours. It's slightly deeper, holds a hint of Busan pattern in its syllables. "Sorry to disappoint," Jungkook quipped.

Something in his voice sounded a bit disappointed, though.

"I- sorry," I tried to ignore my own disappointment settling down my stomach, and settled on my floor with a thump, "I was waiting for Jimin to call. For, uh, homework. He's coming over to ask for my help, but he hasn't gone home yet."

The lie rolled off my tongue before I could think about it. I wasn't sure why, but admitting that I was searching for a sign that you miss me because I love you when you didn't reciprocate - that was too much to share, especially to Jungkook.