Blindsided

Autumn's Eulogy for Winter

Important A/N: Now that she's dead, she could now hear people's thoughts. Chapters will be in her point of view unless stated. When the chapter's in another person's POV, Winter's thoughts will be italicized.

Autumn's POV

"Eulogies are pretentious, because it’ll always be a little too late for that. People say beautiful things about dead people when dead people can’t even hear.

Hah, but we can! But you wouldn't know that because I can't tell you.

Half are just lies to make up for the loss, half are truths to compensate the guilt. It’s just nothing but a little ceremony of remembering, because the truth is, people are going to forget you once you’re already dead and gone."

And that is how I wanted to begin my speech and Winter would’ve laughed about it.

I won't because I know that it's true.

Well, hopefully. I’m not always funny but sometimes when I try, it only lasts for a moment and then it’s not just it.

My friends don't even try to laugh. My humor, if I have one, won’t even change a bit for the funeral and my job was to make people cry, and it was really not that easy too.

Well, the funny thing was, there’s actually a lot to laugh about, looking back at everything seems like reacting to this big joke someone like Winter has planned for a very long time.

It seemed so detailed and well rehearsed that the act was perfectly played, and Winter was the best pretender, and my anger was the audience.

I felt betrayed and I hated feeling that way. That’s why I have to do this; I have to at least try to remember what was left of her to keep me from forgetting the sadness that I should be feeling.  

But I didn't do anything!

“Winter, just like the cold, has gone by so swiftly.” I began, and hearing my own shaky voice made me uneasy. “And when the snow melts and the sun starts shining for us tomorrow, Winter will never just be a passing, but a constant memory in our hearts.” I muttered like an idiot.

I wanted to stop because I am not making any sense to myself. “She was always so fleeting and unpredictable, like the storm we were not expecting. And then when she's gone, we will all miss her, and this time she won't be coming back anymore. We will all be waiting for that first winter day, but this time, we get nothing. Not one snowflake."

I wanted to tell everyone how much Winter hated every single one of them. I wanted to emphasize how stupid it was to have all those people around when Winter was not even asking for their attention.

I wanted to make all the people leave and tell them that the show is over and they can start moving on because that’s what really it is all about. But Winter’s family’s here, and it’s not going to be fair. Of course it will never be fair. That’s what it was like for Winter.

I wanted to make a decent eulogy for her but I don’t even know where to begin if the ending was not even clear to me. How could I even say the right words if she brought all the answers to her grave and left all the questions crumbling like the wall of doubt?

It descended to me like a cascade of uncertainties to what was that thing I have missed and not realized long before it was too late. And the only thing that she was asking was this speech, and I cannot do it right.

I hope she could read my mind, I hope she was here watching me shuffle the empty words inside my head. By that I mean, I won’t even have to explain more of what’s really bothering me right now. She’ll know, but she was gone, and it was too late.

I hate that I can't even speak to her right now. I got used to telling her everything I know, everything that I was feeling, just everything.

Now she was crying and I won't be able to touch her even if I tried. 

This is the first pain I've ever felt since I died. The feeling of not being able to tell her that I'm still here and that I'm okay.

My sister is also crying beside me. We've attended our grandparents' funerals together, but never have I  ever seen her cry.

There were fake tears everywhere.

But for Autumn and Summer, for Poppie and Frank, for Red and Hazel for Alex, for my family, the tears were real. They were the only ones who truly cared. They were the only ones who really loved me.

The person who killed me is here and is also crying.

If only I could tell everyone that I didn't commit suicide. If only I could tell them who killed me.

But I couldn't because I'm dead.

Hi guys!!!!

The eulogy in this chapter (and the thoughts) were written by my Autumn.

Characters for this story have allusions (real life equivalents) and I wanted to make it as parallel as possible to what's happening in real life.

Some of the characters and events in this story have allusions, some do not. Some were entirely made up just to add up spice to the story.

The next update will be next week (or earlier, depending on how fast my Summer writes her eulogy for me).

Thank you for reading Blindsided!

I got 20 reads for the first chapter and I didn't even promote this story! :)

Thank you so much!! :)