Blindsided

Promises should be kept until your last breath.

It's been two days since I was buried six feet under. I honestly thought that when you die, your soul goes down together with your body or something. But here I am, a soul freely roaming around.

I was getting used to the fact that people can't see or hear me. Sometimes I think they could feel my presence, they just don't want to admit it because they want to pretend that they're strong and that they're not scared.

The first thing I learned to hold was Summer's eulogy for me. She left it on the bench where they cried a few days ago. I will tell it to you later if we have enough time, since I have a lot of stories to tell. I've had it memorized, since it was very easy to memorize truths.

The past few days I've been following a lot of people. It was so hard to manage my time well. Although I was technically a ghost, I  cannot teleport. I cannot pass through walls (I can, but I haven't mastered that yet), I cannot fly, I cannot make an apparition.

So when someone decides to be a cry-baby and locks the door, and I happened to havr followed that person inside his room, I literally cannot get out unless he opens the door himself.

I'm talking about Alex Gray. He's my bestfriend and like me, he knows everything there is to know about everyone. Well, not everything, but I tell him their secrets from time to time. That is, if we ever get the time.

You see, for the last few months of my living life I haven't spent that much time with Alex because he was spending most of his life with Hazel, who's also our close friend.

Why are we close? Her surname's Spring. So when she arrived from Switzerland and introduced herself to me, Summer and Autumn, the three of us instantly felt like she was created by God to complete the circle of life.

She's very nice and prim and proper, but she also tends to get wild and liberated at times. She's also very clingy and she takes the effort to appreciate everyone around her.

Alex spends as much time as he can with her because she was going to live in Switzerland after high school.

But I was gone before she even left and no one has gotten the opportunity to spend more time with me because they never thought I would ever be gone this early.

Now Alex is staring into space, not really knowing what to do. I cannot listen to his thoughts because the first time I did, all I heard was his voice blaming himself for not stopping me when I wanted to kill myself.

I know he's crying because he wishes he could've spent more time with me.

He wasn't coming out of his room so I had to suffer with the sight of him crying his heart out. He was banging his head onto the wall and I cannot block out the heartbreaking sound of his sobs.

I wanted to tell him that I was okay, that I was here, that I will stay beside him for as long as he wants me to, that I never broke my promise, and that after everything, I was still hoping for his happiness because he deserves it.

He fell asleep crying. He never gets enough sleep, so I was glad that he was now on his bed, slightly snoring.

When we were in sophomore year, after my first suicide attempt, I refused to make a promise to him that I will not commit suicide again because I know I will eventually, so then I'll be breaking that promise.

After my second attempt, he made me promise again so I did, just so he would stop bugging me. Of course I didn't know if I'd be able to keep that promise, but I tried. I tried really, really hard.

So I did. Up until the last second of my life I refused to die. I held on until my last breath because I wanted to keep that promise to him.

Even though I was killed, it felt like letting go of my own life meant suicide. So I tried so hard to keep my eyes wide open until my heart stopped beating.

I remember seeing Alex's face when they informed him about my death. It's the first time anyone has ever seen him in that state.

I remember the things he said when he first found out.

"No, she's not dead. She promised me. You're fucking joking, dude. It's the worst joke I've ever heard in my life."

"I don't wanna see her dead body because SHE'S NOT DEAD."

"If she tried to kill herself, it's only an attempt. She's still alive, I'm telling you. She's done it before."

He lived in denial for an entire day. He refused to cry, he refused to see me, he refused to break his daily routine while everyone was already mourning.

He only believed when he saw the letter that I was supposed to send to everyone before putting an end to my life.

Letters which are, of course, outdated.

When I first tried to kill myself, which was like more than one year ago, I wrote letters to all of my friends (and enemies). I never got to send them, but i kept them in a box. I'm guessing my mom found that box and assumed that she was supposed to send it out to everyone because that was "what I would have wanted", but she didn't know that things were very different now.

During the course of my "recovery" which lated for like a year, some of those friends have turned into enemies and some enemies have turned into my friends.

If my mom had known that, she wouldn't have sent the letters to certain people.

But for people like Alex, my feelings never changed. He still is my bestfriend even though we haven't been spending time with each other. I will still miss him so much, and I would still want him to be truly happy.

He started crying by the time he saw my first sentence, and have been crying ever since. When he's not crying, he just sits still and stares into space. Sometimes I would put my face in front of him just so it would feel like he was staring at me but his eyes are different now.

They used to be so beautiful, so alive. Now they're as dead as I am.

I never wanted this to happen. When I was alive I've imagined myself surviving the end of the world with him, or at least staying with him until the world dies with us.

I've also imagined myself being in a zombie apocalypse with him, even though he'll probably leave me because I don't like running and I'd rather be torn apart than to be tired.

But now I'm here and I'm watching him sleep, thinking how he's probably having a nightmare about me wanting to be dead.

If I had known this was going to happen, that I was going to have to watch him and my other friends suffer like this, that i have to sit through every false conversation everyone was having, I never would have wanted to end my life.

I wanted to wake him up and tell him how cool it was to be a ghost but he wouldn't have wanted it because he would have wanted to have superpowers.

And I know he doesn't want to watch people suffer, because that's just how he is. When I was alive, I often got schadenfreude (the pleasure obtained from watching other people suffer), so I guess I could get used to this. Call me atrocious, but that's how I am. But not always.

For a second, I thought about how I died because I knew everything. But then Alex also knew everything, but I was the only one who died, and somehow I was relieved that it wasn't him who has to go through what I was experiencing right now.

But he's wrong, everyone's wrong.

I kept my promise and everyone thought that I didn't, all because my killer made it look like I didn't.

CLIFFHANGER!!!

So who do you think is the killer?

Hint: The killer's name has been mentioned in the first few chapters!!!

Comment below with your guesses :)

Vote and share if you want to!

P.S. THANK YOU EXHAIL FOR MAKING A COVER PHOTO/BANNER FOR THIS STORY!!!! YOU'RE AWESOME. :)

P.P.S I also would like to thank my Alex, my bestfriend, for being this chapter's inspiration :)