Blindsided

You do not know when you'll get to the "much better place".

Poppy Collins used to be one of my closest friends.

I know what you're thinking, "If she has lots of friends, how come she used to be suicidal?"

Let me give this to you straight: No matter how much people tell you that your friends are enough,  there will come a time that you will always feel so alone that even though you're surrounded by hundreds of friends, you will feel like they couldn't see you at all.

And you WILL have tons of problems, and you will realize that even your friends couldn't solve any of them. Sometimes, they WILL become your problems.

Anyway, when Autumn called Poppy when they found my body, she rushed to the hospital to see me. By the time she got there, I was already dead. She was there with Matty Robertson who was trying to comfort her.

That was my first memory from the moment I died. I woke up in the hospital and saw Poppy outside the room, crying when they called her to see me. She didn't want to see my dead body, she just wanted to stay there. Her thoughts were also the first one I heard when I discovered that I had that ability.

"I don't want to leave her because she wouldn't want to leave me if I was in her position. She never left me."

When my body was released from the hospital, my friends had to go home to give my family some privacy.

I listened to Poppy's thoughts and she was talking to me. And then she remembered the conversation we had one year ago.

"What would be the first thing you would do when you die?" She asked.

"You know how people try to text the person who died just so they can say what they wanted to say when the person was still alive? I want to be able to read those. So I guess I'll check my phone or my email."

So what she did was she wrote me an email and sent it to me.

Of course I won't be able to read it unless someone opens my account.

I remember writing my password in my letter to Alex. He knows all of my passwords, and I know all of his, but he never really remembered mine so I wrote them down for him, just in case he wants to open it. I hope he does.

Lucky for me, he did.

He checked all of my accounts and finally, he decided to open my email inbox.

One message was from Poppy.

Alex clicked on it and it read:

Winter,

I just can't wrap my head around the fact that you're gone. I'm unsure as to how your life was taken away, but I guess I keep trying to figure it out just to distract myself from the fact that you're not a part of this world anymore.

I feel like I've failed you as a friend, because I don't even know what's going on in your life anymore. I've closed so many doors that I've shut you out as well.

I still remember when it was just me and you against everything, now I've lost one of the most thoughtful and passionate people I know.

I'll never forget you Winter, how you write long hand letters to all of your friends; how you have no idea how to comfort sad people if not through food; how you'd go miles and miles for people who need you; and how you're a paradox, a girl named Winter who has a heart as warm as the sun.

I may not have said this enough when you were around, but I miss you. I always will. Look after me okay? I'm giving you the pleasure of handing me a good smack if I do anything stupid. I love you. I hope you're in a much better place.

I send all my love out there!
Always,
Poppy

By the time I finished the letter, Alex was already crying.

And then I realized how much I miss Poppy. She was the only person who can make me cry instantly. We have been best buddies for so long but we drifted apart because of a mistake.

She knows me better than I know myself and I know that no matter how far apart we were from each other, the friendship we had was real.

Even though I couldn't talk to her anymore, I hope she knows that I'm here and that even after everything, I still won't leave her. I'd rather be beside her and our friends than to be in a "much better place" that she was talking about.

Somehow deep in my soul I'm holding on to the hope that she knows that I didn't kill myself because then she will try to find out what happened.

And when she does, I hope she believes that it really happened, no matter how unbelievable it may seem.

AN: Double update!!!

Just so you guys know, some of my real-life friends know about this book and since they are my inspiration for this story, I ask them to write letters and eulogies for me (for when i die or something) so I would like to take this opportunity to thank my friends.

Hi friends!!! (Some of them do not have wattpad accounts, but they know that this exists so hello)

And for this chapter, thank you, real-life Poppy! I love you!!!

For the readers, thank you so much!!! Please stay tuned for the next update, but I'll be concentrating on my fanfic (Switched) for a couple of days because I want to finish it before November starts so I can start with the spin-off :)

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