NUMB | changlix

03

silence is what changbin gives the boy, he twiddles with his thumbs. looking into his lap, after seconds of messing around with his hands. he places them on the cold floor. lifting himself up, he stands. hearing felix softly say,

"that's what I thought."

changbin clears his throat, not wanting to question felix anymore. he seemed quite uncomfortable, he could tell by his tight muscles and stiffen posture. to the uneasy aura he was radiating. so he takes a hold of the door knob, not wanting to leave, but he does so for felix's sake.

changbin closes the door and sighs. first time talking to the boy and he felt as if he already messed it up. it would take a lot of time and patience for felix to regain himself, he'd be willing to wait. but for now, he needed new ways to confront him without hurting him.

"felix.." the name rolls off of changbin's tongue, many things come to mind when he hears it. the number one thing is him being han jisung's best friend. that's the main thing felix was, but there were other things. such as being an extraordinary talented dancer to being a jokester everyone should talk with once in a while for a smile. changbin needed ways for felix to attain his true self again.

he couldn't stress to how hard it'll be, but giving up wasn't an option in his eyes.

while in felix's room, he can't help but burst out into tears. talking about jisung, to replaying his memories only let out negative emotions. while in the center, he wanted to stay strong. the scene of jeongin, chan to the other two boys seeing him in such a state always replayed within his mind.

he knew, that, that boy wasn't him.

how could he say those things? how could he simply just kill a person? to have his own anger consume him was terrifying, lee felix had let out a side that would now stick with him as a person and with others as well. when visiting his parents, somedays he would log into his social media. finding little posts about him, it made him sick. he saw one, people from his dance class stating, "how could I ever be near this monster." to "he had a unstable aura from the start when it came to jisung." how could he blame them? he couldn't control people's opinions, it was inevitable.

he killed a person.

he was a monster.

but yet again, when trying to feel hurt from their words. he simply felt nothing, which wasn't right. he knew this 'numbness' wasn't right. he was hit with the feeling when jisung committed suicide, he should have seeked for help. but jeongin, minho's theory, he got too wrapped up into it.

but he can't blame others. he couldn't blame minho for his words. he wanted to take all the pain and backlash himself. yet, he didn't understand himself at sometimes? he questioned to if he'll be able to take in everyone's harsh words.

yet he shouldn't have worried about that,

because he simply reminded himself that, he was numb.