Loco | Paul Lahote | Book Two

As One

I watched as the pack played soccer on the beach, I walked right through where they played & not one of them bat an eyelash at me. I frowned as I continued forward, Emily longued against Sam on a picnic rug laughing with Jared & Kim I smiled at the sight but my smile quickly turned to a frown when I saw Rebecca laughing sat close to the couples.
What the hell was she doing here? I went to say something but an arm wrapping around her waist had me choking on my words, I looked up to see Paul laughing along with them & screamed in frustration "how could you just move on like that?!" I yelled as I stomped over to him but none of them noticed my presence "oh so you're all just going to throw me aside?" I asked angrily. I stomped my foot at their blatant disrespect for my being there, they weren't even acknowledging me. "God damn it, Paul! Look at me!" I yelled as I grabbed his arm & tried to get him to face me "please" I whimpered "it's me, you're mine." I cried "Paul please!"
I sat up with a start, my cheeks were damp & my heart was hammering in my chest "it was just a dream." I whispered to myself.
Paul used to be there to calm me down after one of my nightmares but lately he hasn't been, I sobbed as I remembered the panic that grew in my chest at the realisation that the pack had replaced me, that Paul could move on so easily. I pulled my legs to my chest & laid my head on my knees hugging my legs tight.
There was only one way to fix this, I took in a shaky breath & kicked off the blankets. I had to talk to him.

I ran, I didn't even bother with shoes or a jacket, I ran all the way to la push in my tracksuit pants & a singlet. My hair was a mess & I was unshowered, I probably looked disheveled & certifiably insane.
I starred at Paul's cabin & listened for a moment, I took a step towards the porch & shook my head. This was insane, it's three o'clock in the morning. I turned to leave but the front door opening made me freeze "Becka?" Paul asked confusion clear in his voice.
I let out a shaky breath & turned to face him, he frowned as he looked me up & down "where's your truck?" He asked fatigue clear in his features "why aren't you dressed?" He shook his head "come inside." He said nodding to the door.
I shook my head & wrapped my arms around my midsection "no, I just-" I sighed "I need to say this now or I won't say it at all & I just-" he grabbed my arm but I shook him off, his touch was going to throw me off & I wouldn't say what I needed to "you can't replace me-" I said swollowing as I felt the tears sting my eyes "you can't leave me-"
"Becka you left me." Paul said crossing his arms over his chest "I've always been here."
I nodded squeezing my eyes shut from the tears that began to fall over my cheeks, I couldn't look him in the eye "when I wake up you're not there & I-I can't do that anymore, I need you to be there." I let him pull me into his chest & breathed in his scent of sandlewood & fire as I snuggled into his warmth "but I can't be with you-" I whispered, his chest shook as he let a out a shaky breath & held me tighter "& it's not you anymore it's because of me." I began to give into the tears & let my chest heave "I keep pushing you away, it feels like there will always be something stopping us."
Paul held me at arms length & lent down so he could look me in the eyes "my turn to talk. " He said there were to many emotions swirling in his chocolate eyes, I averted my own eyes to the dirt below us & dug my toes into it "I can't keep staying away from you, I would never replace you I couldn't. It physically hurts me to stay away from you, you should be here with me or me with you but that's not happening & it's driving me crazy." He said "so stop, just fucking stop it, Becka. I'm trying but how can I control any emotion when I feel numb all the time because you're not with me?" My bottom lip quivered & he pulled me back into his chest "I'll stay away from Bella, whatever you want but please just don't leave again." His voice trembled & I nodded "you're not leaving?" He asked slightly surprised, I looked up at him & he whipped my tears. I shook my head letting my hair fall over my face & he grinned down at me, he cupped my cheek in his large hand & rubbed his thumb over my cheek bone, my eyes fluttered closed as tingles rushed through my body like they used to, I opened them in time to see Paul dip his head down stopping so that our lips were inches away, he licked his soft lips as his eyes flicked to mine asking for permission. I broke the eye contact instantly when I stepped onto my tip toes & kissed him softly, his lips were soft & warm, they fit perfectly with my own. I moaned softly at his touch & he grabbed my waist lifting me up, I wrapped my legs around his midsection & let him carry me into the dark cabin.