The Last Card

The Hanged Man

"Tell me that I won't die."

"Everyone dies," I whispered.

The words seemed familiar. I was almost certain that we said some iteration when we first met. We were so different from the kids at that time. Even something as simple as our clothing―I was wearing a flowery dress and he was wearing a suit. No more flowing black dress, no more T-Shirt of someone who died before their time.

But our positions hadn't changed. I pushed my longish bangs out of my face, looking closely at the card that we avoided for so long.

"When we look at this card, we see a conflict of emotions in the colors that he wears. Red pants symbolize passion and action―the blue stability. You want to act...but you want to wait for the right moment. The Chariot and the Hierophant are battling for control of you."

I focused on the card as his breathing grew more rapid. The man who dealt with dangerous drug dealers and all sorts of criminals as a detective was terrified of a simple little card.

"The light around his head stands for spiritual wisdom and the tree is in the form of a 'T'," I continued. "The T is for tarot. You're seeking out answers and are finding enlightenment."

This was typically where he would make an insulting joke.

Nothing.

"You're scared." I took a deep breath. "You have a difficult problem and can't find an answer. This card in the present means that you have to allow events to take their course and accept that you can't control the universe."

"So I should accept my own death?" the querent asked harshly.

"When this card is in the present, you're being told that not everything can be controlled. So―if you don't want to go crazy―you have to put your fears aside. Accept that lack of control."

"Why don't I just go lie down in the street and let the universe send a car at me?"

I fought the urge to turn the card back over. "That's not what I'm saying..."

"It sounds like you are saying that I should accept the fact that I'm going to die!"

"You were always going to die!" I snapped. "But the Hanged Man in your present doesn't mean that you will die. It..."

"What about my vision? What about the fact that the Hanged Man has never appeared in the present position? Don't you think that means something? You think a waning moon has a meaning, so how do you think this is nothing?"

His fear and anger felt like it was smothering me. I wanted to get up and run out into the sunlight. I didn't want the card to be there.

I didn't want him in this pain.

"Then what do you want to do?" I asked steadily. "Because if you fight the card, you're still living the present meaning. You are surrendering to a vision that you had a long time ago. A vision that never came true and will never come true."

"How can you be so sure?"

I looked him straight in the eyes. "The cards never showed anything about your vision being true. It's showing me nothing. All this card means is that it is finally time to let go of the Hanged Man and all of your fears."

The silence was painful. I clenched my hands together, hoping that he would listen to me.

"What's my future card?" he asked abruptly.

"Excuse me?"

"If the vision isn't true, if I'm not going to die, I have a future." He pointed at the card. "Let's see."

We never looked at the future card anymore. I didn't need to hesitate―it wouldn't be the Hanged Man.

But there were always worse cards.

"If you see the future card, you'll see what you want," I told him. "If you see cups, you will think you won't get anything good. If you see swords, you will see bad things happening to you. Even something like the Sun will make you afraid. I'll show you the card, but I think that you will use it to convince yourself that the end is here. And if you do that...I swear I can't stand around and watch you self-destruct."

His phone interrupted this hurtful interval. Even at this moment, the querent moved away and took the call. He didn't realize that action meant that he was already letting go of his fixation.

But not enough. A few moments later he returned. "Flip the card," he said gruffly.

I calmly turned it over. "Three of Cups. Your future will have a new beginning―and happiness. You won't have as many problems."

The querent stared at the card. "That...isn't what I expected."

"Do you see?" I smiled at him. "The Hanged Man is all for you to let go...so that you can embrace happiness. I told you a long time ago―and I'm never wrong."

"Maybe..."

I folded my arms. "Unless you want to embrace misery. You know something? I've done a lot of research on symbolism since I met you. That vision? It's like the Hanged Man. A death vision is simply a symbol of letting go. You need to let go of these things to live..."

I don't know how long we were silent. He buried his face in his hands and then let out a long sigh. "I'm not ready to die."

"You won't," I said confidently. "You trust me, right?"

"Always."

I reached forward and took his hand. "Then it's time to let go."

He squeezed my hand back. "Okay...I'll give it a shot."

"I know it will be hard," I whispered. "You were afraid for so long...but I believe that you can do it."

I wished that we could have stayed there forever. But he had to get back to work. So I kissed him and promised we would have a happy family night later. I kept smiling until he left.

The smile faded as soon as he was gone. I picked up the Hanged Man card. "You should have learned more about the cards," I told the absent querent. "This card means that you can't get past the obstacles in your life. You also should watch out for those that you trust. Because you know what? You trusted the wrong tarot card reader."

I picked up my deck and pulled out the card from the bottom―the one that I hid while he took that call.

"This was your true future. You have been stabbed in the back so many times. Your death? It's still coming. And the one that you trusted the most, lied to you about that fact."

I looked at the Ten of Swords and knew that I would drive one of those swords in his back.

"I'm sorry," I whispered to the fallen man in the picture.

But I wasn't sorry enough to tell the truth to the querent.