The Last Card

The Devil

My dress was on the floor. A pile of cards were scattered around it. The old table creaked and moaned under our weight―the painful noises punctuating the false pleasure.

I had never wanted the querent so much―and I never wanted to be so far away from him.

When the present card was revealed, I couldn't lie to him. After fourteen years, even he knew what it meant. I has often joked about giving people a positive interpretation.

So when the card lay between us, we both knew the truth. We could have talked about what it meant for us and worked on the problems.

I lied to him―and he knew it.

He was the Magician in reverse―lies and manipulation twisted his world.

I was the Empress in reverse―I lost my identity trying to control his fate.

When it was over, I thought that he would leave. He should have left―but he stayed. A silent companion offering no comfort. 

I dressed and started gathering up the cards. He didn't even look at me. I felt like he was disgusted with me.

I was disgusted with myself.

"Here," the querent interrupted my self-loathing. "You forgot this card."

The Devil was in his hand.

The querent examined the card. "The man and woman are chained to each other."

"Sometimes people feel chained to a poisonous relationship," I said softly, unable to lie. "You need to examine what might be trapping you and break free."

I should tell him to leave.

"This card kind of looks goofy," he said―defiant of the sign.

"This card means that you aren't following the right path," I said hollowly. "You're trapped in an unhealthy situation."

"You've said before that this card doesn't mean a relationship is doomed. You've said to countless people over the years. Why would it be different now?"

Because I'm a liar that hurts him. Because I am his Death.

I am his Devil.

"You've also said that this card can symbolize lust―seems to have been accurate," he joked.

It wasn't good lust. Not like the Lovers.

"You've also said that it can mean job problems," he said―clearly determined to ignore the truth. "That's probably it."

"Probably," I said, unable to argue.

He still didn't leave―and I didn't want to go home. I couldn't face our daughters with the knowledge that I failed our family. Instead, I pretended to be busy as I considered the the things that I should tell him.

The card meant our relationship was wrong. We could heal―if we backed away from the relationship. The card showed that we made a mistake making a relationship where we tried to heal each other. He wanted someone to guide him from Death and I wanted someone who wouldn't hurt me.

I was his addiction and he was supposed to be my salvation. It only grew worse with time because we didn't talk about our false expectations.

We were willingly chaining ourselves to the Devil if we didn't step away and try to fix the problems.

Neither of us would pay attention to the sign. He would never admit that I wasn't the High Priestess protecting him and I would never admit that I would be a sword that stabbed him in the back.

The Devil had us.