Through Sunshine and Rain//JHS✔️

Chapter 14//Focus

A/N:  Just a disclaimer, but this chapter contains subject matter that deals with anxiety and anxiety attacks. Feel free to skip over this chapter if you would rather.

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It always felt like she was being suffocated during an anxiety attack. It was as if the air outside of her lungs was pushing to get in and the air inside of was slowly gripping her airways, constricting tighter and tighter, trying to get out.

  Either way, Hana was choked.

  Maybe most people could stop the constriction, the suffocation by just centering themselves at the moment, by just realizing that they were in fact in control of their breathing.

   Hana couldn't though.

  Her conscious-self seemed to be put into a metaphysical corner where she couldn't do anything for herself.

  Her body went into lockdown; she couldn't hear, her vision tunneled, and speaking, well, that was out of the question.

  Confusion and panic took control in these moments.

  These moments were unpredictably long, and she couldn't pull herself out of them easily;  it took a lot of willpower and time too.

   No one else could stop them for her.

  Except for Hoseok.

  As she sat in the movie theater fighting for breath and control, trying to find the metaphorical shore as she drowned, he threw her a life preserver.

   He grabbed her hand and squeezed it to get her attention, it was soft and warm. His grip was firm but gentle.

   "Hey, just breathe Hana." He began to do the breathing exercise he had taught her years ago. "Breathe in," pause. "Breathe out."

  His voice was low and quiet, it naturally drew Hana's full focus to it. The rhythmic and regular breaths she tried to match soon calmed her. His presence calmed her.

Like it always did.

  He took his hand off of Hana's, and then the reality and gravity of the situation hit her.

  She'd just had a panic attack on a date with Bong Ki, in a public movie theater.

  Silently she scolded herself for the embarrassment she must've caused the two men sitting on either side of her.

  Why couldn't she just go to the movies without freaking out?

  What the heck was wrong with her?

  She pulled both of her hands into her lap, wishing she could curl up into an unseen ball of nothingness.

  Desperately, she hoped Bong Ki and Hoseok couldn't see the tears rolling down her cheeks.

  "I'm sorry." Hana's voice was barely a whisper. She wasn't sure if she had actually spoken aloud or not until Hoseok shook his head in response; in her peripheral vision, she could see Bong Ki's confusion.

  "There's no need to be sorry. You haven't done anything wrong." Hoseok's voice was a whisper too, soft and full of comfort, but there was also an edge of defiance in it as if he was challenging someone to contradict him. "Everything is okay, I'm here with you okay." He gently touched her shoulder. Quickly she looked up at him and he smiled softly.

  She nodded her head and looked forward, not finding the optimism within herself at the moment.

  Letting her eyelids slip down, she tried to gain composure.