Through Sunshine and Rain//JHS✔️

Chapter 22//The Truth Untold

Hana waited apprehensively for Hoseok to arrive. She paced around her apartment, trying to busy herself with small cleaning jobs, like doing dishes or dusting her already spotless shelves. Jin Myung tried to put her at ease and get her to sit down, but it was pointless.
   Eventually realizing this, Jin Myung went to watch a movie in Hana's room. Before she left, she assured Hana that she would only be a shout away if she was needed.
   "If you need a mediator, you just have to call." Jin Myung placed a hand on Hana's shoulder. "You can do this Hana, you're one of the bravest people I know, after all. Just remember how much you care for Hoseok" Hana was caught off guard by the compliment and by the advice, but Jin Myung just smiled kindly and walked down the hallway.
 
   Half an hour later, as Hana continued to pace, someone knocked on the door.
   Hana assumed correctly that it was Hoseok and opened the door before even stopping to check who was there.
   For a moment the two of them stood there awkwardly and silently.

   Coming to her senses, she gestured for Hoseok to come inside. "Hi," her voice was soft and didn't contain a hint of confidence, which was unusual when it came to Hoseok.
   "Hi," Hoseok mirrored Hana's tone, something that he almost never did, even when meeting strangers.

   Both of them were afraid.
   Afraid of the person they were the closest to and cared the most for.

   Without speaking, Hana led Hoseok to her couch and he took a seat. She remained standing though, and Hoseok shifted uncomfortably.
   "Um, would you like some tea?" Unsure of what to do, Hana switched on her hospitality, trying to avoid the inevitable.
   "Sure." Hoseok began to study his feet as Hana walked into the kitchen and prepared the tea. As she did so, her phone dinged with a new message. It was from Jin Myung.

Jin Myung >.< :  You can do this Hana! Be
                               Brave! Let's go!

   Hana responded with a thank you and a smiley face, hoping that would put her friend at ease.  She doubted that she could do this as Jin Myung thought she could. However, her friend's words had seemed to infuse her with more confidence despite her doubts. Even Hana could recognize it within herself as she walked out of the kitchen and into the living room, towards a Hoseok, who was still waiting quietly on the couch.
 
   She handed Hoseok a mug of tea and cradled her own as she sat down cross-legged on the floor in front of the coffee table.
   "Hoseok, we need to talk." Hana's words were slightly rushed and edged with urgency. Hoseok however, remained calm.
   "About?"
   "You. I'm worried about you and you won't listen to me and I just can't stop worrying about you." She continued, slightly breathless, "I think that what you are doing is highly unhealthy for both your body and mind. And I want you to stop drowning your internal organs in alcohol." Hoseok rolled his eyes slightly. He had expected this, but the didn't want to fight again.

   "Hana you're overreacting, as usual, I'm fine." Maybe it was the blatant truth that she was speaking, or maybe it was the sting of the "as usual", but Hoseok's words set Hana off. She didn't want to fight, but she wasn't just going to let it go either.

   "I'm overreacting? I'm sorry maybe I was just remembering the time that Namjoon and Jin brought you here in the dead of night, passed out. Or maybe I'm remembering you throwing up on my floor on account of you drinking too much." Hana's voice was climbing. "Or maybe the time that my date and I had to escort your drunk butt home after you caused a scene in a public restaurant because the Bartender, the man who makes money off of selling people drinks, said you'd had enough!" She took a shaky breath and tried to lower her voice, with very little success. "Maybe I'm just remembering all of those times Jung Hoseok!" There was a moment of silence in which Hana kept her mouth tightly clamped shut, knowing that she needed to calm herself down before she spoke again.

   "Well, maybe you should forget about those times and mind your own business, Hana." Hoseok's voice was low and full of foreboding. He was finding it harder to keep his cool as Hana's emotions rose.

   "Screw that, Hoseok, how could I just forget about that?" Hana was almost shouting once again, completely ignoring the closed-off tone Hoseok had used. "I'm tired of you acting like I have no part in your life!"

   "Whatever Hana." Hoseok rose from the couch.

   "No! You sit back down right now." Somehow, Hana's words made Hoseok do just that. He couldn't just walk out for some reason unknown to him. It was as if there was something holding him there, forcing him to hear Hana out. "Who was there for you and donated every Won she could when you were in school just so you could buy cheap noodles? Who constantly made sure you were getting sleep and eating well once you'd started at the aid organization? Who has constantly supported you no matter how far you've gone?" Hana was shaking now as she faced Hoseok, saying things she had never dreamt of saying to Hoseok's face. "I did, despite having to feel the pain of you leaving me for bigger and better things Hoseok. I did all of those things, for you! So you can be extremely sure that I, of all people, have a right to tell you to stop destroying yourself!"

   "But I never asked you to do any of those things."

   "What?"

   "I never asked you to sacrifice yourself like a saint for me Hana! Never!" Hoseok was now standing, along with Hana. "Never once did I ask you for those things. In fact, I told you to just let it go!" Hana's mouth was wobbling slightly now, but she held back her frustrated tears. "You knew I was going away. You were the one who chose to keep me in your life."

   "No, you know what Hoseok, you're not turning this mess on me! These are your choices! You can choose to stop being destructive! You can choose to let those who love you help you!" Hana swallowed the lump in her throat. "You don't have to be so bright all of the time for those around you. And you could've chosen to let me go at any time." A charged silence followed Hana's statement.

   "But I didn't want to." Hoseok looked Hana in the face, his voice was softer but still heavy with emotion. "I couldn't."

   "Why?"

   "Because you mean everything to me, Hana." Hoseok's tone was softer and lower than it had been during the whole conversation. It was full of earnestness and emotion.

   "Hoseok, what, I?" As she stumbled over her words, Hoseok cut her off.

   "Because I can never be what you need Hana. I can't be here for you every time you need me, and that kills me." Hana watched as a tear fell down Hoseok's cheek, unchecked. She didn't notice her own fall. "You mean everything to me, you always have, but that doesn't matter because I can't give you what you need." Hana tried to form her thoughts cohesively, but it felt like she was swimming through a dense and icy lake. Finally, she was able to string something together from her half-processed thoughts.

   "But lately you don't even know what I need, because you won't stay around long enough to find out."

   "Hana, don't." Hoseok's voice was pleading, and his expression was tired.

   "No! Every time I try to talk to you or try to help you, you push me away. Never once since you've been home have you given me the chance to at least hear how you're feeling." She paused and searched his eyes out with her own. "And that's what I need right now Hoseok, I need to know that you're okay, really, actually okay."

   "Hana, you can't save me. That's just not how these things work."

   "You're right, I can't save you. I know that." She took a deep breath, steadying her voice. "But I can at least be here to help and support you."
    A few seconds of silence prevailed. The atmosphere was heavy with every word and emotion that had been thrown out by both Hana and Hoseok.
   "Can you at least let me do that, Hobi?" Softly and quietly Hana asked him this, touching his arm gently as she spoke.

   "I want to Hana." A crack shot through his voice, "I- I just don't know how."

   "I'll figure it out then Hobi. I know I can't fix it, but I won't leave you alone either." Hoseok tilted his head in disbelief at her words, he brushed her hand with his, and then he walked towards the doorway.
    Hoseok stepped out of the apartment and Hana stayed rooted to her spot in the living room. Both of them were silent.

   The words of the other resonated through each of their thoughts.
   Too loud to be drowned out.

A/N: 

Please eat well and take care of yourselves! 

(Edited July 2019)

*Novi*