Feelings Long Buried - Roger Taylor

September 1979

Through the initial silent shock, Y/N felt her stomach plummet to the floor. The boys all threw around an almost sad expression before reacting like they were supposed to. Y/N, however, did everything she could to hide her upset as the rest of the boys jumped into congratulating Roger.

"That's wonderful!" Freddie grinned as he embraced Roger.

"It's about time!" Deaky added, but Brian only stuck with a standard "Congratulations," and glanced over to Y/N. She looked like she was doing everything in her power to keep from breaking down.

In the midst of Freddie, Veronica, and John's best wishes, Roger turned to Y/N. He certainly noticed she was being unusually quiet, but her face lifted painfully the second his eyes met hers. "I'm happy for you Rog," she choked out. Tears were dangerously close to spilling over, so she excused herself. "I'm gonna go, get another drink," she cleared her throat and didn't wait for a response before wading through the crowd around them.

Once her friends weren't around her anymore, Y/N let some tears slide down her cheeks. She was so weighed down by the hurt, guilt, and sense of embarrassment, her feet were practically dragging as she made her way to any part of Freddie's house where there were far less people.

Though she may have not been aware of it, Y/N had been living the past two years afraid of this moment. The aching possibility only grew the longer Roger was with Felicity. He was happy with her, from what Y/N could tell. That's what made the thought of "it should be me" sting that much more. She thought that she was getting better. That time was healing the unfortunate open wound. Evidently not.

Y/N ascended the stairs to the second floor, where there were considerably less people who could see her cry. Her hands pushed open the first door she could find, and upon entering and flipping the light switch, learned it was one of the guest bedrooms. The door shut behind her, muffling the music and chatter echoing through the house, and her back leaned against the door. A sigh escaped her lips, and she let the tangling emotions in her head take over, tears running freely down her face. She hated that she couldn't be completely happy for Roger in that moment. She hated that even after two years of trying to get over him and this ill-timed feeling, she couldn't do it. She couldn't fall out of love with him.

As Y/N ran her hands over her cheeks, she felt the door start to move forward, and had to practically leap away from it to avoid falling over.

She wiped her tears quickly. Roger, and Joy Division's "Love Will Tear Us Apart," slipped past the door, with Roger shutting the door behind him. He had to know something was up. He wouldn't look as frantic as he did if he didn't know.

Roger's eyes scanned over Y/N, somewhat frustratedly. "What was that about?" he asked quickly.

She avoided his eyes. "I don't know what you're talking about," she sniffled, getting herself together as much as she could. Roger only scoffed as she crossed her arms over her chest defensively.

"Bullshit, Y/L/N," Roger took a few steps towards Y/N, but her gaze stayed fixed on the floor. "I've known you for too long to believe that." She couldn't blame him for doubting her. Her attempt at lying was shit.

"That was...nothing, alright? Nothing to worry your pretty little head over," Y/N didn't mean for it to sound so bitter. She finished off her champagne for good measure since the conversation was already in need of it.

"Nothing? Jesus Y/N, you know, I thought out of everyone, you'd be the happiest hearing that news," he said, almost yelled really. Y/N's eyes narrowed at the carpet. Why me specifically? And from a glance up at his expression, it almost looked like he was testing the waters by saying that.