For Your Love

Because It Hurts

"You were told to be back before the bell." Ms. Kingstons scolds as I come back into chemistry.

I quickly grab my backpack from my desk. I stayed in the bathroom until I heard the bell ring, then made my way to class. I didn't know if I could face Todd again. His question still haunts my mind. The only way to find out would be to tell him the whole truth, but I am far from ready. However, it seems like Todd might be. If he tells Luca, I don't know what I'd do.

Walking into Mr. Henry's class creates a whole new feeling of fear. What if Todd already told him? I shouldn't have stayed in the bathroom. Maybe nothing has changed. Maybe I still am a coward.

"Everyone to your seats. The test will begin as soon as the bell rings." I hear the teacher say as I walk into the class. "And thank you Mr. Huert for arriving on time." He finishes as he sees.

I sit down in my seat and notice that Luca is already sitting down next to me. He stays quiet and I don't know what it means. I remember that he's joining the football team. Is this about it? Shouldn't I be the one angry about it?

The bell rings and the class goes silent. I missed my chance to bring it up.

Mr. Henry's tests are never open notes. They aren't exactly hard, but memorization is key to to getting a good grade. It's something I'm not all that good at. My fingers scan the over the raised dots. The only thing good about the test is that it's multiple choice. Which would be good for me but my mind is clouded by so many things right now.

I still haven't talked to my mom. Her secret is out which means most of the town knows about it now. I made a promise to her that I would keep it a secret for her no matter what. I wonder if she's mad or maybe sad. Whatever it may be, it's eating me up on the inside.

And now Luca is part of the most exclusive sport at Woodrow Wilson. To join the team is to give yourself to the team. You can't join the team unless your status reflects the top of the food chain material. Many players are good-not great, but join the team anyways because they're the most popular. I don't know how great Luca is, but I can tell that Todd is pissed about our friendship. Probably because he's supposed to cut ties with me to keep his position. Is that why he's being weird? Does he know that? Is he actually going to do it?

I finish the test just in time. Mr. Henry sends us on our mid-class break.

"That was a pretty hard test right?" I ask Luca, for the first time trying to make conversation with him.

"Yeah." Is all that comes out of his mouth.

I start getting nervous. "Well thank you letting me borrow the sweater. I thought when you said you moved here, you meant from like out of state. I didn't know you came from nearby."

He stays silent. Was I supposed to believe something different? Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe the acronym just matches the school nearby.

"Is this really yours? I don't think I can imagine you so small." I force myself to say to hide the anxiety starting to form inside me.

To my surprise he does answer.

"It belonged to my best friend." His voice is soft and almost sounds regretful. Something about that sentence caused him pain. I just don't know why.

"Oh. Who was your best friend?" My curiosity now taking control.

"Gordon."

For a moment my body tenses. Mostly because I know a Gordon and he's a very unpleasant human being to be around. But the moment passes because I know the chances of Luca talking about him are slim to none. Gordon isn't even in our grade which just supports my claim. Plus Luca transferred late into our semester while Gordon started at the beginning of second semester. But I do know that Luca's voice just sounded like it shattered into a million pieces. Whoever his Gordon is or was must mean a lot to him. I wish I wouldn't have asked. The last thing I want to do is cause him pain.