For Your Love

The Past

"Are you okay?" Gordon asks as he sits down next to me.

I shake my head, for some reason feeling the need to be as honest with him as I can be.

He puts an arm around my shoulder. "Yeah, well you kinda look like shit. Do you want to talk about it?"

I shake my head again, but smile at his honesty. He's brutal, but I can admire that.

Gordon sighs. "You know you can come here whenever you want. This is where I am most of the time anyway. I wouldn't mind your company. Sometimes, the silence is so overwhelming."

He gets it. I think deep down we aren't so different. Gordon could have been a really good friend. But he won't be. Not after he finds out the truth about me. About why I even talked to him in the first place. I expected him to be an enemy, maybe even competition. Never would I have imagined he'd be an ally. I didn't think I'd get those again.

I close my eyes and let the darkness engulf me. To my surprise, he doesn't leave. He stays with me until I'm awakened by a bell. I only realize because I run a hand through my hair and realize I bumped into something. His arm is still around my shoulder. I almost jump from shock. And I actually do when I hear his voice.

"You know you just slept for four hours." Gordons whispers close to me. Although I only think it's a whisper because his voice is so naturally quiet. I wonder if it has anything to do with his hearing aids.

"It's final period already?" I ask, feeling groggy and unable to motivate myself to get up and go to class.

"Do you feel better?" Gordon asks, sounding sincere about his worry.

I nod my head. "Yeah. I should get to class." I mumble.

Gordon guides me back out, slow enough so I can memorize the steps from the entrance. He describes each step, trying to place landmarks for me and it really does paint the picture in my mind.

"Bye Finnly, and remember my offer." He says as I turn to leave, reminding me that I have a safe space with him whenever I need it.

I bite the inside of my cheek. Being with Gordon made me forget that Luca is in my last class. I can feel the heat rise to my face. My fingers tentatively touch my shirt. It's the same one that Luca put on me last night. How could he do such a thing?

I get to class as the bell rings. I can hear Mr. Henry clear his throat as he begins the class. I quickly move to my seat. I hear tapping coming from the other side of the desk. He's here. But he doesn't say anything. Neither do I. Mr. Henry's voice fills every corner of the room. I'm left wondering if he's upset with me.

Finally we go on our break.

"Did you show up late to English? I kinda ducked out early." I ask, hoping he'll just let whatever happened this morning go.

He stays silent.

I instantly flood with panic. "Luca, what's wrong?" I ask, hearing the fear in my own voice.

My hand reaches out to tug on his shirt, but he smacks it away. I'm shocked. He's never acted like this. I don't know what to say. I pull my hand back and fold my arms over my chest, unable to cope with his actions.

"Just," Luca says after moments of silence, "don't bother me anymore Finnly. Don't talk to me. Don't try to be my friend." His voice sounds like a mixture of emotions, but the one tone I can pick out is anger.

I'm left speechless. I hear his chair being pulled back and soon hear another. I don't have to see to know that he just moved seats. The class suddenly begins chattering and I can hear my name all around. My fingernails dig into my palm. What just happened? It almost feels like I'm in a dream-no more like a nightmare. It feels surreal. My bottom lip quivers. I hide my face in arms. I can't cry here.