For Your Love

Strange Feelings

Thanks mom. I'm going to Luca's house tonight, so I won't need a ride later." I mumble, trying to sound as casual as I can.

"Okay Finnly. Have a good day." My mom responds, calling me by my actual name.

Inside I'm screaming. Everything about our conversations hurt now. I miss my mom. She's the one who understands me the best and comforts me when I'm down. Without her, I'm nothing. Everything I have is because of her.

My fingers skim the rough textured wall. All the bumps and grooves makes me wonder what it really looks like. I've never seen the inside of Wilson. It's supposedly really nice, but the only school interior I can remember is my elementary school. I hear Wilson is really technologically advanced for a school which I guess is where all the money donated to the school went.

Psychology is the only elective that I have this year. Last year I tried drawing one just for the sake of credits. It went as poorly as everyone imagined it would. I barely managed to pass the class, mostly because my teacher said that my work was very much open for interpretation. Psychology seemed like a safe bet. That is until I realized Todd was in my class.

If it's not Todd in my classes then it's Amanda and her squeaky voice. I think it's true dedication, being in every one of my classes for the last two years. Todd isn't so bad, mostly because he actually cares about his grades and focuses on class. Amanda couldn't give a single shit. After all, her teachers all report to her dad. The amount of power she has must be intoxicating. Maybe that's why she's so dumb.

"What's with your face?" I hear Todd's voice ask as I enter the classroom.

I wave my hand, not wanting to answer. My misfortunes are his enjoyment anyway. Todd really doesn't care about anyone except for Amanda. I find my seat and put my backpack down, feeling liberated from its weight.

The seat next to me moves. "I asked you a question. As my personal puppet, you're supposed to answer." Todd says, but his tone doesn't match his choice of words.

"My mom isn't talking to me anymore. I'm pretty sure she hates me and it's all your fault so there's my answer." I snap, feeling anger course all through me.

He scoffs. "That's stupid."

My hands form fists as all the anger seems to consume me. "I'm sorry my life isn't enough to satisfy you." I respond through gritted teeth.

Todd has the audacity to scoff again and it makes me turn in his direction. He stays quiet for a few seconds.

"It's stupid that your mom put all the pressure and responsibility on you to keep her secret. It's stupid that she blames you for something that you basically had no control over. I thought she was cool and that you guys were super close." Todd says in the most unpredictable words yet. And then he pats my back.

My whole body is tingling. I figure it's the anger in my body being released without use.

The chair creaks and I hear Todd walk away. I sit dumbfounded. Was that really Todd? He didn't even yell or slam my head into the desk. Todd is volatile not compassionate. He's an asshole. A complete jerk. So why did he act like my friend? Maybe that's what it was. Just an act. Maybe in his head he's laughing from my pain. But he patted me on the back. Is he just pitying me now?

The bell rings.

Psychology is a hard class. Maybe the hardest class I've had. It requires all my attention, so I try to stop myself from thinking of all that just happened. But it's so hard. I just want to run into Luca's arms and have him take all the noise from my head away. I freeze. I run my hand through my hair. Am I really having such strange feelings for him?