Because You're Different ✔

35. Treasure

Nathan

I wondered if I'd always be nervous on her birthday.

Last year, it'd been because of Valentina, this year, it also had to do with her present. Maybe I should've bought something new after all, or made something myself — most of her belongings were secondhand already, why would she want yet another thing that had been going from woman to woman for at least a century?

But Sam had agreed. There was no better destination for grandma's most cherished possession. Truth be told, ever since the idea had entered my mind, I knew I would've never been able to let it go until I'd carried out my plan. Dancing with her, feeling her gradually relax under my touch, the scent of her and that subtle perfume of hers, little lights in her eyes so close to mine... She was a miracle, and she deserved a present as meaningful as the recipes she gave me each Christmas.

There we were again, on the carpet after midnight, no Christmas tree this time. I'd hinted that I had something special prepared for her, and she'd asked me if she could have it at twelve pm. I probably should've made her wait, so everyone could've seen it, but I was too excited myself and had caved in. Sam wouldn't care anyway; he hadn't even looked up from his Xbox when I'd asked him for permission. Possibly, he didn't remember how much it'd meant to grandma and how many times she'd told us the story behind it. The thought stung.

June was right in front of me, cross-legged, looking very pretty in a black shirt. "Stop your smug grinning!" she said, weakly slapping my shoulder. She'd cut her hair a few days back; the curls had almost been touching the ground when she sat like this, and they frequently got in the way. Right now, they still managed to run down to her navel, fortunately. I didn't think I could've gotten used to it if it'd been any shorter than that.

"I can't," I said. "I think I might've come close to matching your present skills, for once."

She was trying to keep the eagerness out of her face, I could see it. She wasn't succeeding; the lights in her eyes were glittering, and every other second, her gaze flickered to the packages next to me on the floor. I'd wrapped them up myself. It'd taken me multiple attempts, and my hands currently resembled hers, with scrapes and cuts all over them. No idea how she made it seem like those weren't a big deal, because those paper cuts hurt like a motherfucker.

"You're enjoying this, aren't you?"

I grinned, knowing it'd annoy her. "Yeah. Fully."

"You know, I could come back in a few hours if that works for you."

I laughed, then took the first present, the one in the envelope, but didn't hand it over yet. Pearl Jam was playing in the background, Wishlist, a track that'd never caught my attention until she started to put it up every so often. I couldn't understand how I'd never realized the genius of it before. Holding her gaze, I held out the envelope.

"What, no speech? Too easy, Nathan." But she was reaching for it —

Changing my mind, I pulled back, being rewarded with a pair of narrowed eyes. It just made the whole thing more fun. "Well, if you want one," I said, attempting not to chuckle at her apparent annoyance. "This is for... you being who you are."

Her cheeks flushed like I'd just said the most profound and touching words ever, while they felt awfully inadequate to me. She had this talent to convey her feelings and truth in a few simple sentences; even her essays were spellbinding, and I had no idea how she did that.

This was for her uniqueness, for her being herself unapologetically, brave and strong and vulnerable at the same time — see, that didn't make any sense. I wasn't good at this. If only I would've been better at this, if only I could've made her understand how amazing she was and how foolish the rest of the world was... But I'd never been able to do that with Lena either. I liked to think the dancing had helped someway, that it had made her see she shouldn't be ashamed of her body, that she could do anything she wanted to do...