Forgetting You But Not The Time || Real Life

September 1999

It was about a week before my 20th birthday and about a month since my major freak out on stage. We hadn't played another show since then. Alex was still pissed at me and I didn't know when she'd want to speak again. Jamie was still my friend at least. We ended up back in California for the time being and it felt nice to be home for once. Although I really hoped I didn't see Fever. Jamie and I took a walk around our old town.
"Do you know why Alex is still mad at me?"
"I think she just needs her space" Jamie said taking a puff of a joint and passing it to me. I shrug and and take a drag and pass the joint back to Jamie. We were always getting high no matter the occasion. Within the off tour season I had also picked up skateboarding. I tossed the board on the ground my feet following in its path. Jamie followed me on her board.
"Hey, Billie!" Jamie called from behind me.
"Yeah!"
"Let's go to a show tonight!" I really didn't know how to respond to her because I really didn't want to go to a show. I stopped my board at the street corner we had made it to.
"I don't really know Jamie"
"C'mon it'll be fun. You haven't done anything since the incident at our show."
"Exactly why I don't want to go."
"Just for tonight, just one show."
"Fine just one show." I only said it to make her leave me alone about going out and doing things.
...
The building was small and it reminded me of our show the past month. I was pressed up against Jamie because there were so many people. I looked to my right and saw a little kid next to me, he looked really familiar but I couldn't remember seeing any little kid. That's when my min flashed back to 1996. The guitar store, with Fever, getting my guitar. This kid next to me was Cameron.
"Cameron?" I yelled over the blaring speakers. He turned to me not knowing who I was, I had cut my hair since he'd last seen me, back in 1996 I had long dark somewhat curly hair, now in 1999 I had short blonde curly hair, he probably didn't recognize me. "Cameron its me Billie." At that moment he seemed to go back to '96 too.
"Billie!" He hugged me.
"How's it been?" I asked him.
"I've started playing guitar."
"Wow really!"
"Yeah! I love it!"
"You should stick with it."
"I will!" He said and then went back to enjoying the show.
...
The show ended me Jamie and I were sharing a joint behind a dumpster when I saw something. I shoved the joint back at Jamie nearly missing her chest.
"Jesus Billie what's up with you?" I ignored her and walked my high ass away from the dumpster. Was I really seeing this or was I just high off my ass. I rounded the corner and the blonde locks and blue eyes I thought I'd seen were no where to be seen.
"Billie!" I heard Jamie running up. "What the hell dude?" She was out of breath. The tears were involuntarily falling from my blood shot eyes. I pushed past Jaime and ran, I ran until I couldn't breathe and collapsed on the ground.