The Words I Never Said

Lonely (Her)

I looked into your eyes and saw a searching soul, not unlike my own.
I looked into your soul and saw loneliness. I too had felt their cold hands reaching for my heart, but I had accepted them, while you struggled to push them away or let them become a part of this season of your life.

I felt your heart and knew a piece was missing. We both knew I wasn't the right fit, but you needed someone to chase the loneliness away.
Loneliness and I were good friends, one of my oldest and most reliable. That's when I realized not everyone is made with isolation in their veins.

You needed someone and I was willing to meet that need for you. I wasn't your endgame, I was your just for now. I wasn't your missing piece, I was your temporary fix.

There was nothing physical between us, for it wasn't your body that was lonely, but your heart and soul.
I couldn't be everything you needed when I wasn't what you wanted. I gave you what I could, but it was never permanent. I knew at any moment you would run to the next thing to satisfy you, you would run from me. That's why I held back from you. I can't be second, I can't be the one you come to because everyone else is occupied.
   I wasn't your first, so you couldn't be mine. I am not sorry I couldn't give you more. You didn't deserve everything.

   I'm not proud to admit this, but I did want you to care about me. Just a little would have been enough. Even though we both knew we weren't what we needed. I still cared for you. But I knew you would never feel the same.

I hold nothing against you. I put myself there. I made every conscious decision that led me here. Alone once again. Watching you in the distance, searching for someone to give you your next high.

   I hope you find what you're looking for. I mean that. I knew that would never be me.

I hope you learn to care about someone, I hope you learn to stop using people. No one deserves to be punished for the things you feel guilty about.