𝖑𝖎𝖋𝖊𝖑𝖎𝖓𝖊 [nochelle & richola]

sixteen.

it's a week since noah's left, and three days since lola told me about her feelings for me. i still haven't really processed things, but i hate being in the studio right now. i wish noah was here, and i wish i knew how i felt about lola.

part of me thinks i might like her, but i can't, because i really really like noah. i think i might even love him.

a-troupe is all in studio a right now. the small group is rehearsing. lola's talking to amy, but i'm just sitting alone, pretending to watch the small group. i can't focus at all.

ozzy approaches me, "hey richelle," he says, a grin on his face.

"hi," i say, giving him a weak smile.

"what's up?" he asks, "you don't seem like yourself."

"there's just a lot on my mind," i mumble. i fidget with my fingers in my lap, trying to avoid looking ozzy in the eye.

"do you want to talk about it?"

i shake my head, "i'm fine," i whisper, unconvincingly, my voice cracking. i'm going to cry. i need to get out of studio a, because i'm going to cry, and i will not cry in front of a-troupe. "can you tell emily i'm going to the bathroom?" i ask ozzy, my voice wobbling. ozzy nods and i stand shakily, quickly rushing out of studio a.

as soon as i'm in the corridor and round the corner, i completely break down. i slump down against the wall, my body shaking with sobs. i tuck my knees into my chest and cry. i just cry. i cry and cry and cry.

why are feelings so confusing? and why the fuck am i letting them impact my dancing?

i sit sobbing for twenty or so minutes, my face tear stained and blotchy, and my nose running, when i see ozzy approaching me. i try to wipe my eyes and nose, but it's no use.

ozzy sits down next to me. he's quiet for a few moments before he speaks up. "emily sent me to find you," he says gently, "she tried to send jacquie, but i figured you were upset and i didn't know if she's part of the problem or not, so i volunteered. what's wrong?"

"a lot of things," i mumble, sniffling a little, "i'm a mess. sorry."

ozzy puts his arm around me, "don't apologise. everyone has days when they don't even feel like living. you're okay."

"life's so hard," i weep.

"do you want to talk about it? you don't have to," ozzy says gently.

i bite my lip. i'm not sure if i should tell him or not. "promise me something?"

ozzy nods.

"you can't tell anyone. or i'll have to kill you."

"i promise." ozzy sticks his pinky finger out and i link it with mine.

"so," i begin, taking a shaky breath, "i'm dating noah."

ozzy looks shocked. "and i'm assuming you're missing him?"

i nod, "that's not it though. i really really really like noah. i think i might love him."

"but?"

"i- i think i like someone else," i whisper.

"well," ozzy starts, "i hope you haven't finally come to your senses and fallen in love with me, because i'm with winnie now, so you've blown your chance." he chuckles lightly.

i laugh softly, "you wish, but sadly no. you're like a brother to me, ozz. noah's everything i could ever want in a boy, but-but," i say, tearing up again and choking over my words.

"take your time. it's okay."

"but i'm not sure if it's a boy i'm meant to be with right now," i whisper, tears trickling down my already damp cheeks.

"huh?"

"you can't tell anyone, but i think i have feelings for lola," i sob.

"oh. that's okay."

"you think i'm a freak," i weep.

"what? of course i don't," ozzy says. he wipes the tears away from my eyes with his thumb, "richelle. i'm bisexual. so if you're a freak, so am i."

i turn to ozzy, "you are?"

he nods, "i am. it's a secret though, i don't really want everyone knowing. teenage boys aren't the nicest when it comes to gay and bi boys, and i know everyone would think i'm gay and dating winnie as a cover up, but i do love winnie."

"i never knew," i say.

"it's fine," ozzy says quietly, "so do you think you might be bisexual?"

i shrug. "i really don't know. i don't even know if i like lola, i'm so confused."

"alright, so what makes you think you do like her?"

"well, she likes me," i mumble.

ozzy's eyes widen a little, "is lola bi?"

i shake my head, "she only likes girls. but don't say anything because she isn't out."

ozzy nods, "don't worry, i won't. so you like her back?"

"i'm not sure, when i'm around her i get all tingly and i get butterflies. i've started getting all awkward around her too, like she messes with my brain. and she's gorgeous."

"well, it sounds like you like her," ozzy says, which i suppose is true.

"i know, but i have a boyfriend, who i love."

"have you told him you love him?" ozzy asks.

i shake my head, "not yet. i think i'm gonna tell him when he gets back from new york."

"have you told lola how you feel?"

i shake my head again.

"i think you should tell her," ozzy tells me.

i nod, "i'm scared."

"it's okay, you'll be okay."

"thank you."

"it's nothing, now let's get back to rehearsals. emily wants to run you and lola's duet."

emily speaks
we stan a (b)iconic brother sister duo. should i do authors notes now¿?