Forgive me

Meeting Rashad.

I sat there on the couch listening to all twenty voicemails Rashad left me. He was getting beyond annoying now.

"If I come over there ima' kill you".

I laughed out loud.

Now the jokes on you. I thought to myself, I couldn't keep letting him come in and out my life ruining it. He claimed he love me, but how could you love someone and cheat on them? Not once, not twice, not three times, not four times shit I lost track! But that was all over now. It's been a week since me and him had talked. He didn't deserve me. All the niggas flocked to me but Rashad broke me so bad, I didn't know how to trust. Maybe even love. My mother was on crack, my father who knows. So that left me and my younger sister Fall. I was only seven when my mother got arrested which means Fall was only four. It still gave me chills still til' this day. I remembered it like it was yesterday.

Fall and I were sitting in our play room, we shared rooms basically our whole life. We were living in this raggedy apartment in Cleveland, Ohio. Even though the neighborhood we lived in was trashed, dirty, and the crime rate was through the roof. We still made the best of it. We had friends and nice people that looked out for us time after time. But we also experienced snakes at a young age.

We were playing with our barbie dolls when we heard momma' on the phone. It sounded like she was arguing. I couldn't make out what she was saying because the music she was blasting from the living room. All of a sudden, her boyfriend whom we called "Fred" came in. I heard the music turn down then I heard the conversation more clearly.

"Babe" he called out.

"Yes I'm in here" my mother responded.

Moments later I heard the door being kicked in. It was the cops. Momma came into our room and told us to stay in here until she came back to get us. We both exchange nods at her. She left out our room then we heard them screaming at each other.

"How could you do this?" My mother repeatedly said.

Apparently Fred had some crack in the house without her knowing. Now she was being arrested. Fred got arrested too. I heard them both screaming at each other blaming one another. But in reality, it was both of their faults. She shouldn't have been snorting that shit anyways or having him bring her it. They really was a mess. They went to jail, CBS got involved and we moved in with our Uncle Thomas. He was located in the same apartments we had lived in so we didn't care at the time.

We stayed there with Uncle Thomas for a few years. We were okay, up until the time my younger sister Fall told me about him "playing" with her. At the time I didn't know what she meant, until about a week later she told me he was touching her while she showered. I knew she wasn't lying because the tears she had in her eyes, the fear. I confronted Uncle Thomas about it and he denied it. Even though what he did was completely wrong, we had nowhere else to go. I made sure at all times I was by Fall side. She slept with me and we showered together. I waited until I turned sixteen to get Fall and I  out of that hell hole. She was twelve at the time. I saved up every penny I had from my summer job, and bought an apartment not far from where we used to stay. Actually, It was walking distance. I had some cat in the neighborhood put my apartment in his name until I turned eighteen. He didn't mind, he just crashed there from time to time. I kept a job and food in the house, walked Fall to school every morning and still managed to get straight A's.

I've been doing it for two years now. I decided to move us a little closer to the suburban area. It was to much going on in the neighborhood. That's where I met Rashad. He lived far from me kind of but, The first time I saw him was in the gas station. I walked to a nearby store to get a shell so I could smoke and he grabbed my attention. He was so sexy he stood six-foot with broad shoulders, dark-skinned how I liked them and dreads that hung hiding his face. I was standing in the chip aisle deciding when he came up to me.