Ch 25

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 The sunrise came with nothing but shades of grey and a dull blue. The sand was soft beneath their feet, as were the waves rolling towards them. Vaun stood tall, watching as the first of them brushed against Opan's body in the softest caress. It was much like the touch of Celise's fingers against the back of his hand.

Vaun wrapped his arm around her shoulders to draw her near. He heard her sniffle but his eyes were locked on her father's body.

Opan had been around Vaun's height, but he looked small laying there in the fabric wrapping. To touch him, he was cold and solid, like a slab of wood beneath the thin cloth. Nothing connected him to the man he had been but the figure of a head and shoulders, of a body and bound legs that spread out upon the sands. As much as Vaun stared, he already knew the Opan he knew was gone. This corpse was an empty shell. Despite how he had yet to fully grieve, Vaun felt like they had already said their goodbyes. It still hurt though, and the numbness taking over him was so deep that it was as strong as any crashing emotion and tears.

"You were still like his son." Muffled words from a small, choking voice. Vaun looked down at Celise. "He hoped you'd come back and everything would be okay. He never stopped caring about you."

Vaun shook his head, for he didn't deserve those words meant as comfort or that care Opan had held for him. "I'm sorry."

He could do nothing but turn from her, walking until she and John were nothing but blurred figures in the distance. Vaun sank to sit in the sand, falling like an exhausted horse tramping the sweaty streets of Faydura. Fingers absentmindedly ran through the softness around him, catching on the broken shells so sharp they could cut. Vaun needed to think. His mind was numb.

"I'm sorry." This time, the apology was for Opan. "I," he stopped, for what was there to say? "If I could go back and fix the past I would, but," but he wouldn't change that night with Celise in his arms.

"I'm sorry, Opan, but I love her. I'm not good enough, I know, but I likely won't last the winter. I'm making it my final task to make sure she's safe and well. I let you down before but you can count on me this time." As much as he meant it, the words felt hollow.

Vaun looked around, feeling like a small child in a world much too big and much too frightening. Opan had been the only father figure he had left. Now, he had no one else in this world but Celise - but she wasn't his, not really. When they still had their issues to iron out, he couldn't make her his yet either.

The sound of footsteps shook him from the deep thoughts that had finally come. Vaun wasn't sure why, but his stuff body eased when John settled down beside him. "Thought I should give her one last moment."

Vaun nodded, looking back over his shoulder to the faint shape of Celise by her father's side. "We didn't part on good terms, Opan and I."

"I sensed that, but I heard what Celise said."

"She shouldn't have to say it. He was her father, she should be allowed to grieve without thinking of others."

John shook his head. "I may see Celise more often than you, but I'm pretty sure you know her best. She doesn't know how to put herself first, especially when it comes to you, Vaun."

With a one-shouldered shrug, Vaun was looking back over his shoulder again. "You'll look after her for me, right?"

"I'd rather you stay and look after her yourself." John gave a pointed look, before dropping it in favour of a firm nod. "No matter what, I promise."

"Thank you."

They rose, walking back to Celise and the body in silence. When they reached them it was to find Celise in floods of tears. Vaun hauled her up from where she knelt at her father's chest, tugging her against his own with his arms wrapped around her and face buried in her unruly hairstyle. As much as he tried to hold her, Vaun could feel his legs unbalanced beneath him, hands shaking where they gripped her waist. She was holding tighter than he was, soaking his clothes where her tears seeped through.

"I've got you." Always. If Vaun wasn't here to keep her safe, John would be.

She pressed herself in harder, head turning to watch as John took Opan's legs and pulled them deeper into the water. He next moved to his head, lifting the shoulders until the waves could sweep across his chest. The foam seemed to swallow him before it disappeared in preparation for a new roll of water to come.

"We should get him out before the fabric becomes sheer." Celise didn't need to see his face, pale and decayed from death. The smell was enough, and the floral fragrance the fabric was soaked in wasn't strong enough to hide it.

"I'll be a moment." Vaun's whisper was to the shell of Celise's ear with hands moving to cup her cheeks and push back the strands of hair falling into her face. She looked up at him with swollen eyes and quivering lips. He couldn't hold himself back from placing a small kiss to them.

He left her on the sand, moving to help John bring the body deeper into the waters. Opan was heavy with the water soaking the fabric and weighing him down, but it wasn't a bad thing. Vaun wanted to feel the weight, wanted the struggle, because the numbness was mixing with a rapid overflow of pent up grief and the body in his hands felt like the only solid thing right now.

The water washed around his legs, pulling him towards the horizon and its unknown. A part of Vaun wanted to go, wanted to step deeper towards it how Lissy had and how Opan was about to. When the only person he had left was on the sand and behind her stood the death he was sure was soon to come, the sea's song felt like the most comforting lullaby. He couldn't though, not when he had made his vows to protect that girl until his dying breath. Celise was all he had, but she was enough.

When the water reached their thighs, John gave Vaun the signal and they let Opan go. He floated for a brief moment before the water caught him from below and slowly dragged him into its darkness. As much as Vaun wanted to look back and check on Celise, it was a moment he couldn't tear his eyes from. This wasn't his first time doing this, but a gut feeling told him it would be his last.

As the body disappeared from sight, so did the rising emotions. The numbness was back, a hole where it felt like something ought to be. Vaun felt his throat closing in with a choked sob that couldn't quite make it to the surface. He walked back to the shore in silence, with a hung head and a cold heart.

Celise's hand was taken once there, and he lead her back up to the wagon. They could sit here watching as the waves took Opan to be with Soly and The Mother and The Father. Perhaps there, with his feet back on solid ground, Vaun might finally feel.

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