LEARNING TO LOVE | BTS | JEON JUNGKOOK

2- TELL HIM

Continuing from chapter 45 of 'Secret child of Min Yoongi'
Trigger warning ⚠️

6th January 2019

Jungkook's pov

There was a knock on my bedroom door, I already knew who it was, so I shouted "Come in" and texted Yoongi to tell him she was here

He refused to tell me why, but I did it anyway

"Hey, Lauren" I said as she came in and shut the door behind her

"Hi" she replied bluntly, I could tell something was off

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine"

She came and sat next to me on my bed with her back up against the headboard

She dodged the kiss I tried to give her
"Are you sure you're okay?"

"Yeah"

I raised my eyebrows at her, not believing her

"No... no I'm not" she looked down at her hands in her lap

"What's wrong?" I put my arm around her

"I..."

"Come on, Lauren, you can tell me"

"You're gonna leave me"

My heart sank, the way she put that made me think she had cheated

"No, I'm not, baby" we usually don't do nicknames, but it seems like the time now

"I'm gonna tell you this whole story, it's best if you let me tell the whole thing before you say anything"

"Okay"

"I can't have kids..."

I was sad

Of course I was sad, I've always a family, but there's other options

"I found out... because... I thought I was pregnant..."

"You cheated on me?" I cut her off

"No, let me finish... I thought I was pregnant from my ex... I asked y/n for advice... I didn't know what else to do... and she pointed out that a test could of given me a false positive and my periods could have stopped for loads of reasons... so... I went to the doctor... they did a... a whole bunch of tests on me... and... and I can't have kids... I'm so sorry, Jungkook, I know you wanted-"

"No, Lauren it's okay... It really is okay" I pulled her in for a hug when she started apologising

I honestly don't know how I'm supposed to feel

Is the way I'm feeling even acceptable?

I feel heartbroken, sad and maybe a little angry

"There's other options" I said once she had calmed down

"If and when our relationship gets to the point of kids and if we want a surrogate... the only person I'm trusting is y/n"

"That's okay"

To be honest the thought of y/n being pregnant with my kids is kinda weird, because she's my hyungs fiancée, but I trust her to

At least, now, I trust her

"W-Why.. don't you trust any other surrogates?" I asked curiously

She scoffed
"There's a reason I haven't told you about my past... and that's because it's complicated and dramatic... I think that's gonna be a story for another day"

"That's okay" I kissed the top of her head

Time skip

Lauren's pov

"Text me when you get home safe, please" Jungkook reminded me as we said our goodbyes and I headed back home

Right now I've got my own tiny apartment in Seoul and when I go back home I stay with my parents, my real parents, not the ones who lied to me for years and years

I slammed the front door to my apartment shut and threw my coat and handbag on the sofa as I walked past it

Without even thinking I went straight to the kitchen and grabbed a whole bunch of food from the cupboards and sat down at the kitchen island

I could hear my phone blowing up with text, probably because I didn't text Jungkook, telling him I was back, but I didn't care

I sat there for over an hour, just eating and eating

I ate so much, I went past the point of being full bags and bags of crisps ago, it got to the point where I thought I couldn't take it anymore

I ran into my bathroom and sat in front of the toilet putting my fingers down my throat, forcing myself to throw everything I had just eaten back up

Eventually I couldn't do it anymore

I was weak and I was shaking, I cleaned everything up as best as I could and managed to get myself back into the kitchen

I grabbed a knife from the kitchen

It had been so long since I had cut, I didn't have anything else to do it with

I held the sharp blade up to my bare wrist, pressed down and dragged it along my wrist

Blood flowed everywhere and dripped  from my wrist and onto the floor

A sharp pain caused me to drop the knife and made me realise how much the cut was bleeding

My vision started to go blurry, both with tears and I was starting to pass out

I fell to the ground, the last thing I can remember was some one calling my name

Please tell me if I got the bulimia bit wrong, that's just my understanding of it