messages from her.

02.

OMNISCIENT.

Austin's calloused hands slipped the first sheet of paper out of the pastel purple envelope. Across the front in bright pink sparkly pen he read the words 'to my love, Austin' causing him to smile at her innocence.

SEPTEMBER 6th, 2015.

Dear Austin,

I'm so sorry. I know that's pathetic of me to say, but I truly am so sorry for what I'm doing to you. I couldn't confess what's happening to you so I'm writing it in this letter, and maybe I'll get the courage to send it to you. But I'm three weeks pregnant and I can't burden you with a child. I'm so sorry I left like I did but if I did stay what would happen? You and I both know we aren't ready for a child and I seen the e-mail. I'm so proud of you and this baby will do nothing but hold you back. Please don't let me leaving affect you too much. I'm fine, take your career and take it far baby, I love you. Also I didn't have another envelope.

—From Celly 🖤

The next page enclosed the pregnancy test she spoke of in her letter and it caused more salty tears to prick at his ducts reading the horrible writing. Despite her sloppy and obvious tear smudged hand writing he found the lines on the pregnancy test screen to be the most beautiful yet heart aching things and it sent his emotions on some sort of roller coaster. Attached to the back of the letter he found sonogram pictures with the baby being literally as small as an apple seed.

"I have a kid?" He said to himself as he began breathing heavily. "I have a fucking kid?" He said a little louder catching the attention on the four eavesdropping boys who all fell down as Zion's big ass popped in the room.

"You said what?"

"I have a kid." He whispered to himself as he really let it settle in.

"With the absolutely most beautiful girl in the world." The words led him to smile in remembrance of the day he met her.

It was indeed the end of summer and going into fall in the Carolinas and he was trying his best to soak in what was left of the heat before October. Cecelia decided on doing the same thing at the same day. They met each other on their respective roofs across from each other.

She spotted him first and to put it frankly he looked a fool—he wore swimming trunks, flip flops, and a tank top. On his face and exposed limbs he wore thick slathers of sunscreen and around his waist he wore a swan float. His freshly dyed hair matched the summer sun but didn't cover the faint sound of her giggle as he flattened out his chair atop his flat roof.

"Is something funny?" He asked her as she shook her deep brown hair filled head. "No it's just—are you gonna rub that in?" She licked her lips holding in another fit of laughter.

"No I find it's quite flattering." He said before opening his chair wider to fully sprawl out on.

She snickered but covered it with a cough. "Oh um, alright—" She said not knowing his name.

"It's Austin, and you are?"

"Cecelia." She smiled sincerely.

From that moment on the two slowly became inseparable. You'd never see one without the other so then making it official in the summer of ninth grade year didn't come as a surprise. He loved her—he loves her and he vowed never to stop even in the ruins she left him in. For a while he was mad at her for how she left him so abruptly never knowing the reason as to why.

For months he played the blame game with himself finding ways to pin it on himself after so desperately trying to find a way to put it on the people around them. After a while he felt selfish as well, he blamed her for it at first and that killed him to say the least. He couldn't believe his anger led him to prematurely turn his back on the girl he gave his heart to without doing any real search of reason. He couldn't pin point the problem so why point the finger on her disappearance?

He couldn't answer the question for himself so he decided not to answer it at all; or at least until he knew where to start looking. Her disappearance struck him as soon as he started to gain fame and when she did go missing it took him away almost hindering his spot in the upcoming bands formation.

The day he couldn't find her was the day he was going to tell her the news of him being put in but instead it became the day he vowed three things; to never come back, to never stop loving her, and to remember; no matter the circumstance.