paradise | letters to Him √

5. best of me.

I gave you the best of me. You know I did. Every time I looked at you, it weighed heavy with the devotion, the love I could not even begin to hold in. Every action had the worth of a thousand words, strings as delicate as spider's silk that still held morning's dew, but not as easily destroyed.

I wish you would have told me you loved me, just a little more. I couldn't tell if you were real sometimes, your looks so fading that I often had to grasp to make you stay. Your touches became a fleeting thing, leaving me to wonder why I felt so desolate afterward.

Fall came and went, and with that your ability to care, your ability to understand. Your emotions changed with the seasons, hot and cold.

"Hold me," I once said. "I don't care if you hurt me. Just... Please." How humiliating was it for someone like me to beg so shamelessly like that. You looked at me with a hint of pity then, and you came to wrap your arms around me. I sat still, trying to feel something, anything.

This time, I did not feel the warmth of summer. I felt the chill of a winter day, a day gladly spent inside with the comfort of a fireplace. Your arms had the affection of cold, hard steel; nothing to remark on, nothing to envy.

You let go a moment too soon, and that is when I knew you were not you anymore. Something had changed, but I could not foresee what exactly that was.

I always wondered if it was something I did. I still wonder, even as I write this. Our chemistry became tainted as quickly as it had started.

Maybe destiny played a part in it. She turned Her attention onto a new victim, letting us go and unraveling our string, the only thing that kept us together. Of course, nothing about it was a coincidence. I hold onto that belief even now, but perhaps what made us work after fate had done Her job was simply that: a coincidence.

I hope you felt how much I gave you. I hope you felt the best of me.