paradise | letters to Him √

6. spring day.

I was starting to think all of this was a well-timed coincidence. No fate, no stars, no one pulling the strings behind the scenes. Just time making a fool out of us. I could bear that revelation for only so long before it became too much.

I noticed the changes as soon as they came, as I knew you too well by then. The shimmer in your eyes when you looked at me dissipated slowly until all that was left was a dull stare. Every time I would bring a light to your face, the face that was drenched with iced water, you would pull away, telling me you were fine, that we were fine.

You disappeared like lavender smoke. The scent of you lingered far longer than I would have liked, especially because that smoke left no trace of you except for that.

Your scent. The same scent that would caress me for what felt like hours, holding me against you as I buried my head in the crook of your neck.

I mentioned how you changed like the seasons before. As the cherry blossoms fall, you seem to take on a whimsical gait, exploring every crevice of the available world, leaving me to trail behind. As the lakes freeze and the birds fly far away, your heart too, freezes. It hardens until there is almost nothing left to salvage.

I can only wait for a spring day, but I don't think that will come soon enough.

I wish the old you stayed for just a little while longer. I tried to appreciate the little moments as much as I could, but it was never enough for me. Maybe I was too selfish, wanting you to myself. That drove the wedge between us, the ice pick that broke your heart once and for all. It broke my heart, too.

The only solution now is to erase you from my mind. After all, you have done that quite adequately, haven't you? You haven't mentioned it yet, but I can feel it coming. Just like a storm coming from the west, it brews, calmly, slowly, dangerously.

What happened to you? What happened to us?

I miss you. Just hearing the words makes me miss you even more.