Deen Queens

twenty two [saleena]

Saleena tried to stay still, her head bent down and lips pouted slightly. She was in the middle of photo shoot with a leading magazine; eventually having given in to her managers demands about her dress sense and style.

It broke her heart to know that her parents would be so disappointed if they could see her now, but she didn't know what choice she had. So she had reluctantly agreed to pair the black tulle midi skirt with a slightly see-through black bralette that barely covered her chest. She knew her nipples would be slightly visible with the camera flash and so, was trying to position her arms in the way but it was a futile attempt.

What was she doing?

The cameras flashed, people coming over to poke and prod her every so often for a better angle whilst she felt empty inside.

Saleena's nightmares were growing worse, her mind torturing her over and over again. The lack of sleep was making her feel worse but it was a vicious cycle, one she couldn't break out of. She wasn't sure if Jabar was coming to check on her every night anymore, he hadn't gotten too close since the day he had laid in her bed holding her together. She wondered what he thought of the mess that was her life; wondered how awful she sounded when she screamed in her sleep.

Speaking of Jabar, she couldn't bare to look at him now. He sat on a stool on the side of the room, his dark eyes feeling like they were unpicking her soul. She knew he was probably also disappointed in the way she so easily gave in, but he didn't know her financial worries. Saleena may have been a millionaire but she still owed a few hundred thousand pounds of her fathers debts. She was almost there, she told herself, in a bid to feel better. And when she was there, she swore she would never allow herself to be a pretty puppet again.

"That was beautiful, darlin'," Chrissy said, one of Mr Williams' assistants. "You look amazing."

Saleena painted on a smile, the same one she did every day when she had to face a world that would never know her. "Thanks," she almost whispered, grabbing a warm jumper to cover herself with. It was only when the buttons were done up and she was no longer half-naked, that she allowed herself to breathe.

One day at a time, she told herself. One day.

"Hey." Jabar was at her side, she had barely seen him coming but he was there. She wondered how he did it, how he showed that he cared whilst simultaneously showing that he didn't. It was just a job, after all. "I believe Brian wanted to see you after this." He said her managers name with a sneer, as though it revulsed him to say the words. Saleena knew how that felt, she too disliked her manager. But he was the best at getting her publicity and that's why she worked with him.

It all came down to money, after all.

"Thank you, I'll be in my dressing room, you can tell them to send him up when he turns up."

Her voice sounded deflated, even to her own ears but she couldn't bring herself to fill it with life. She was so tired, so tired. She walked off briskly, heading straight to her dressing room so she could sink on a sofa and didn't have a chance to notice the concern on her bodyguards face.

It felt so good to sit down, Saleena thought, as she held a pillow tight, almost hugging it. Although she had been sitting on a stool posing for an hour, there was something so different about not having to put up a pretence whilst doing it. Now that she was alone, she allowed it to drop, until she was no longer Saleena Ali, world famous singer. She was Leena; sister and friend.

Friend.

It had been a long time since she could say with true conviction that she had friends, but it was true. Alhamdulillah. But what would Becky, Layla and Asiya think if they really knew who she was? There was a part of her that couldn't believe they hadn't figured it out yet, a very grateful part. Despite a few confused glances shot her way, as though they were trying to figure out why she was so familiar, they hadn't seemed to have realised. She was so glad about that, but at the same time, could she call them friends if they didn't really know her?