Do You Know What Your Sacrificing//Lams One Shots {smut warning}

I Will Never Be Satisfied (Angst Warning)

*Historic AU*

*Takes place at Eliza's and Alexander's wedding (Still old-timey NOT MODERN AU)*

*Characters look like characters from the musicals*

Feel free to comment below for more ideas!
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*John's POV*

"To the groom!" I heard Angelica say as she raised her glass in the direction of where Eliza and Alexander were sitting. People all around me responded back to them with their glasses raised in the air; though I could not bring myself to do it as well. Feeling my eyes watering up, my heart started to beat faster as I felt the room spin. I needed to get out of the room as soon as possible since I didn't want people staring at me while Angelica was giving her toast. My friends, Hercules Mulligan and Marquis de Lafayette, were sitting beside me. They looked over at me and asked what's wrong. "I-It's nothing. I just need some fresh air" I stuttered out. Making my way over to the door, I heard some bits of Angelica's story as everyone laughed.

*Out on the balcony*

I needed to calm down. My feelings were getting the better of me. Looking into the distance, I saw the faint outline of New York. It all looked so beautiful, gazing here from the top of the world. (I was in Hunchback of Notre Dame don't @ me. Y'all should actually listen to the soundtrack it's so beautiful) My breath became heavy as I tried to calm down but only ended up gripping the rail harder.

Does he love Eliza just because she's a woman? If I was a woman, would he be marrying me? Does Alexander want to marry Eliza just because she has a lot of money? What about all the letters, Alexander? Did those mean nothing?!

All these thoughts rushed to my head, causing me a massive headache. I had always loved Alexander, ever since the day I had met him in that bar with Lafayette, Hercules Mulligan and Aaron Burr. I loved Alexander in a way that I had never felt about any woman before in my entire life, and the letters that we wrote back and forth implied that he felt the same.

My hands felt a stinging pain as I gripped the railing as hard as I could, turning my hands a bright red color. The cold air hit my face, causing it to turn the same color. My hair, which was pulled back into a ponytail, fell down just below my shoulder and flew back each time the wind picked up. I pushed my head against the railing and bent over as tears trailed down my face, hitting the balcony floor beneath me.

Sobs escaped from my mouth as the tears came faster and harder. "Mom ami?" I heard someone say behind me as my head whipped around. Lafayette and Mulligan were standing in the door frame that led to the balcony. It was a few rooms down from where the wedding reception was taking place and I hoped no one else had heard me.

"Laurens, what's wrong?" Hercules said as they both started walking towards me. "N-Nothing. I'm fine." I whispered as they walked up behind me. Quickly, I tried to wipe the tears off my cheeks. Hercules pulled me into a hug as Lafayette joined us. They both knew that I loved men in the way men love women, and I have been grateful that they never have judged me for it.

I started to cry into their shoulders. "I-I just wish Alexander loved me. I thought we had some-something." I sobbed as they both just hugged me tighter.

"John, it will be okay. I promise zere is going to be someone else for you-" Lafayette started but interrupted him by yelled, "I only want Alexander! I don't want there to be someone else!"

I pushed myself out of their hugs as they shared a worried look. "John, if you want, I could call a carriage and we could take you home," Hercules said, but I remained silent. "No no, it's okay. I'm fine." I replied after a few minutes of silence, and they turned back towards the doors.