The Silence Between Us ✓

[22] My Blood

Oh, hello Mrs Mason, how are you? It was yet again six o'clock on the dot. I honestly had no idea how Elliot was always so punctual every single time – it was like he was a walking clock or something

I'm great thanks Elliot, my mum replied as I descended the stairs. Elliot was, of course, the only other person I really needed to tell about the Noah thing. I hadn't quite broken the news to my family yet, but that was mainly because although he made it clear he liked me, I still couldn't work out if we were actually girlfriend or boyfriend. Trust me to be this clueless, but I just thought that telling my mum especially that I was going out with someone would be pretty monumental and probably should be done at the right time. That may/may not be a massive excuse for the fact that I didn't know how to tell her in the slightest, but you know. Not getting too stressed about GCSEs I hope?

No it's all going ok I think – though with mocks so close it's all a bit scary.

My mum gave me a look like she wanted to murder me because I hadn't told her about the upcoming GCSE mocks in November. Officially they were two weeks away and, unlike most people (even though they all shrugged it off as said they hadn't done any), I was well behind with revision. By that I mean I hadn't even looked back at anything I'd done last year.

Anyway...

Yep bye mum! I smiled and tried to ignore her death glare. She'd have a massive go at me after Elliot left, I was sure of it, but that was something for my future self to deal with.

XXX

So... I started off looking intently at him. We were in the same place on the bed as always and it felt nice and comfortable, but I was still apprehensive. I had no idea why – he'd been pestering me about Noah since day 1, but I guess I was still unsure at how he would react. I've got something pretty big to tell you...

That makes two of us then! I raised my eyebrows and he gave a smug smile. This was good, I decided, we wouldn't make this all about me for once. It made me feel slightly better at neglecting him so much. Yes Via, I have a life too!

Ok ok – you go first! I'm so excited and I have no idea why!

It's because we're best friends, you idiot. And then his face suddenly changed, and he was... nervous? One thing I'd learnt about Elliot was that whenever something was a big deal to him, he never showed it to anyone. He was like a master at hiding his negative emotions, which used to scare me because I always thought I was a bad friend for only seeing him when he was happy, but later whenever I asked him about it, he would always reassure me and say that it was just me being paranoid. I... I don't know how to say this.

It's ok Elliot, just tell me when you're ready
I am ready... I just...He gulped and I sensed that this was going to be something even more monumental than Noah kissing me. Ok, I'm just going to say it because honestly, I feel like I've been lying to you for ages.

This made me suddenly nervous as well; what could he be lying to me about? I trusted Elliot with my life and that hadn't changed but lying.... I didn't know how to feel.

I- I'm gay. I immediately gave him a bone crushing hug. I couldn't lie that I'd always suspected it, but it was still a bit of a surprise.

Well all I can say was that went well he smiled when I finally let go, but there were hints of tears in his eyes. I just... I didn't know how to tell you and-

Don't apologise! I cut him off

So you don't hate me for not telling you sooner?

Elliot as if I could hate you for anything! You said it before, we're best friends for life. He gave me a relieved look and I smiled I'm lucky to have you in my life – I could never judge you for anything, especially for who you are.

You're such a good friend honest I'm so lucky to have you. Coming from Elliot, that meant a lot and suddenly I realised that my eyes were also threatening to spill. I was so scared to tell you in case that, well, you know, you'd hate me for it and it was so awkward-

Elliot I don't care who you are – you get to decide who you are – I'm only here to accept that. I love you more than anything you know that right? We hugged again and I felt like perhaps the space we'd each given ourselves might have been a good thing; it at least made this moment even more special.

Ok so... you know that guy that I was telling you about that sits next to me in maths..

OMG THIS IS TOO CUTE! I couldn't contain myself – this was so nice. It was amazing to know that my best friend had finally found someone like I'd found Noah. You NEED to tell me everything!

All in good time! He signed tapping his nose But he's called Alex and honestly he's the nicest guy I've ever met. The smile on his face told me everything I needed to know. I couldn't help but be happy for him. It was so cute honestly.

So come on – what's your news? I gulped, thinking of how minute mine was compared to his. He just came out to me and I was here to tell him about a boy kissing me.To be fair, in terms of what was monumental to me, it still made the list, but I still felt like I had made it seem bigger than it actually was.

Well... Noah kissed me.

OMG THIS IS AMAZING! I told you he liked you silly! He shook his head at me smugly and I faked a scowl. But what happened with the whole queen bitch thing?

Oh he broke up with her I shrugged and he smiled smugly again.

What did I say? Honestly I'm like a prophet or something. I laughed for the millionth time. OMG you know what we should do? DOUBLE DATE!

Oh... I don't know. And why did I not know? Because I was still unsure about Noah, I mean did we even do dates? I couldn't decide and that wasn't the greatest thing looking at Elliot's face light up with idea. His signing's not great and-

Via, it's only a suggestion! We don't have to do it if you don't want.

No – it's just... I need to get some things sorted first if that's ok? He nodded and held his hands up. But we could do it – just a bit later?

Sure He waved his hand away in the universal sign for don't worry about it. I couldn't help being upset though – I really didn't know what kind of relationship we had. Alex and Elliot were already at the stage where they were having dates and I didn't even know what kind of relationship me and Noah had. Could I even call him my boyfriend? Is this something that you have to officially announce, or does it just go without saying?

XXX

My head was still going around in circles at eight o'clock. Elliot had had to go too soon as always and I was still questioning if any of this would work. It just seemed like with every good thing, I spoiled it by not talking. The little voice in my head kept popping up giving me the unhelpful thoughts that at the end of the day, Noah still wasn't telling his friends, and they ultimately still saw me as a target. He's still embarrassed of you. Despite the effort I put into pushing the thought away, it just sprung back like a boomerang. He'll only admit liking you in secret because he's too embarrassed to tell his friends that you kissed. He wasn't scared to tell the whole school about Mackenzie was he?

Ugh this wasn't helping anything, but I couldn't deny that Noah telling his friends or anybody in the school for that matter that we were hanging out would be difficult. I didn't blame him for not telling them – I appreciated that I wasn't exactly the most desirable girlfriend when it came to society – but it still bugged me. Why couldn't I just be the other Via? The one that had normal friends and could talk freely and people actually thought of as normal. The one that people liked. The one that could go to parties and let her hair down and made out with people and had an Instagram page that she was proud of. Why wasn't that me? How could one small detail mean that we differed so much?