Ten | newtmas

fifty three

"It feels like we should be doing something cooler," Alby says through a mouthful of hamburger. "Like listening to action music or something."

"Would that help you?" I ask, looking down at my own burger. We stopped and got food at a drive-thru, and I'm not so keen on eating it. As sure as I am about our plan, I've still got butterflies in my stomach occupying the space of any food I could take in.

"Probably not," Alby says. "We'll go over the plan again, right?"

"Of course," I say. It's almost funny to me that Alby is the more panicked one out of the two of us. He's barely even doing anything. Nothing to be nervous about, anyway. More than anything, I just can't believe he's doing this after two years of not talking. "Alby... I can't thank you enough for this."

"It's the least I could do," Alby says. I can tell he still feels guilty about how we left things.

"You're not just doing this to make up for what happened, right?" I ask before I can stop myself.

Alby frowns. "No. I mean, obviously, I'm trying to make up for it. But I would be doing this anyway. I've missed you, man."

"I've missed you too," I say, a small smile on my face. "It's nice to not be doing this alone."

The words mean more than one thing. I check Alby's navigation and see that we're relatively close. Then, I take a bite of my food. I don't know the next time I'll be able to eat, so I might as well.

It's only half past five, so that means we're right on schedule. I have to go through my mental checklist again of everything I have to remember when I'm in the moment, but when it comes to my motivation, only one name is repeated over and over like a prayer. Tommy.

Alby is looking at me like I've just died. It's comforting, in a making-me-terrified sort of way. But what's even scarier than that is the building in front of me. It's giving me chills. I spent so much time here, and yet my memory still doesn't match up to the feeling of being in front of it.

The last time I was brought back here, I was filled with overwhelming despair and failure. Thomas was out cold, and I was all too aware of the reality that our spectacular getaway was over. It's ironic that after all that, I'd be sitting in the parking lot of the very same place with every intention of walking in.

"Are you sure you don't want to go over the plan one more time?" Alby asks.

We've just gone over the plan three times. I think Alby's trying to stall, but there's no need. We both know what to do at this point, and prolonging this might ruin our chance.

"You know the plan, Alby," I say, putting my backpack on the center console. I can't take anything from it now.

"Are you sure you wanna do it this close to Christmas? What if something happens?" Alby asks. It's only the twenty-first, so it's not that close, but I hadn't even thought about the holiday until now. Too many things have been going on, plus this year has been... different, to say the least.

"If something happens, then I've got bigger concerns than Christmas," I say. Although, I've already spent two holidays in there. I don't want to make it three.

Alby looks defeated. He's tried to counter this in every way he can probably think of by now, but there's no changing my mind. I tried to tell him he doesn't have to do this, but he still says he's not bailing. More than anything, he just seems to be worried about me. While that means a lot, I'm not so worried about myself. I'm worried about the outcome for everyone else if I fail.