Ironic Supernatural Fan Fiction

Part 1: Lucifer's Assistant

You trail behind Lucifer with a clipboard, you knew the day would come when you would gain his trust. You haven't been his assistant or the past couple months for nothing. You were just starting to get sick of his off-pitch karaoke and he desperate attempts to gain attention from his father.

"I will need approximately 666,420 demons to kill tomorrow for funsies," he stated.

You notice the demons who were present during your conversation slowly slip out of the room, most likely making a run for it. You don't blame them.

He plodded around the room drinking wine out of a Croc. "Also, get someone to clean this mess up," he said finally noticing the mess on the floor. He squats down on the floor and observes the spilled wine, secretly mixing in a little of his own blood in it and tasting it. You nod at one of the few demons left in the room to fulfill Luci's request and turn on his favorite TV show, "Caillou". It reminded him of all the great times he had personally leading Caillou himself into his reserved spot in hell. Once you make sure he is distracted enough by his strange attraction to Caillou's mother, you sneak away for a moment to call Rowena. You tell her you can move forward with your plan to trap Luci in the cage. It is only one part of your scheme to avenge Caillou and gain a couple pigs in the process. Later that night you meet up with Rowena.

"Is it ready?" you ask pretending to shift your weight from your feet nervously thinking about what would happen if Lucifer found out what you were doing. You already know he will, and you aren't scared of Satan. You have a few Vietnam flashbacks Lucifer gave you due to the sudden rush of emotion, but you haven't even been in the Vietnam war.

"You know, you never were patient Y/N. That's just one of the reasons I betrayed you for Lucifer. You know what they say, bet on the winning horse!" Rowena gasped, like she was surprised that she betrayed you. She stumbled back on her heels and landed on her spine cushions. She cackled and put her teeth on display.

"Wait what?!" you say as Lucifer appears out of the shadows. You pretend that this betrayal is unexpected, but it has been part of your plan all along. He has two smokey eyes and a thicc amount of black lipstick on. He completes the ominous ensemble with a black turtle neck and a pair of hippie pants.

"Ok Y/N, I could kill you, but there wouldn't be much fun in that. Therefore, I propose a challenge. You beat me in thumb wrestling and I let you go, and you take one of my underlings," Luci says seeming very proud of his thumb wrestling skills. He nervously awaits your answer knowing how sad he would be if somebody rejected his invite to thumb wrestle again.

"Deal."