Without Me (Infinite x Reader)

Chapter 4 ~ Revived

I was pacing now, my mind overanalyzing everything; how if the Resistance comes to meet with Infinite they will be killed. Or how if Shadow does somehow show up, he'll be slaughtered, I will likely have the same fate unless Infinite plans to continue using me for leverage. A part of me wished, hoped, that Shadow didn't do anything to Infinite before the war. I don't want to believe he would do anything too extreme. But Infinite has been proving some of the facts I knew about him wrong.

I plant my feet into the ground to stop my continuous pacing, I place my hands on my face, moving around the flesh around my eyes to try and calm myself. I let out an aggravated growl. I bring my hands down to my neck, looking out the bars of my cell, desperate for something to happen. I almost wished something would stare at me back from the other side. Show some sign of time passing.

I take steps closer to the bars, I wrap my cuffed hands around them. I crane my neck to try and see something through the dark lighting. The place seemed empty before fading to black and darkness.

I stared into the metal bars, at the slight reflection of myself. My face still had the marks of the scratches I gave myself before my... suicide attempt. There were bags under my eyes from countless nights of staying awake. Thoughts of dying soldiers, that canine, or the death of my best friend would always keep my mind from finding peace. Guilt was a common thing I felt, along with a side of regret. I feel guilt for having a mere friend's death overtake the death of my best friend. They... Kasey takes pills to sleep. And... one day, while going out partying with our other "friends" in celebration of getting into the Marines, you know, we went out drinking. Some of us weren't old enough, I wasn't, Kasey wasn't either, but we sure didn't care. My friend took their medication, probably more than usual, and when I woke up, they didn't.  After that, I never went drinking again, or went to parties.

It's funny how someone you care about so much can be gone in an instant.

I wondered what would happen if I just twisted my neck. I had visions of me grabbing my head and tilting it on the wrong angle. What would happen to me if I smashed my head against the bars of the cell? What would happen if I just wrapped my hands around my neck and squeezed?

I shook my head, trying to clear the swarming thoughts plaguing my mind. It made no difference. Before I knew it, I felt pain. I heard bangs. I was brining my head back and hitting it into the metal bar, over and over. Loud echoes ricocheted off the walls of my cell and Infinite's hideout.

Why was I doing this? I forgot. So, Infinite won't have leverage for the Resistance, hopefully they'll be smart enough to demand for visual evidence that I'm alive before sending Shadow. And when I'm not, the "deal" will be off. If not that reason, it's so I don't spill anymore secrets about the Resistance. Maybe I'm just making up reasons, maybe I'm just fucking insane. Maybe, I'm just downright frivolous. No, the last is a guarantee.

The world was filled with pain, everything began to fade away with each hit. I was slowing down with each bash, but I continued. With a small yell, I smashed my head harder then the others, everything went black with a huge shot of pain, and the last thing I heard was a thud and someone call my name.

My eyes open, something was pressing down on my chest, I was gasping for air. Everything seemed so bright, but it quickly dulled as quick as the flash was. My heart pounded yet I couldn't move, I was staring up blankly at the ceiling. A hot thick liquid coated my forehead and face. Everything felt fuzzy, numb. A skull-splitting migraine accompanied the pain.

Someone grabs my arms and pulls me up, my head hangs limp. I couldn't move, I didn't have the energy nor motivation. The reality of what happened hits me. I just died.