Without Me (Infinite x Reader)

Chapter 5 ~ Breaking Apart

What he said had caused me to go numb, shock. Infinite's... this new person's words were like someone explaining to you that in a week they will approach their "deadline". A deadline to off themselves. How? How is Infinite – Why is Infinite...? I can't even finish off my own questions because all this is so bizarre. Or maybe it's the concussion I have, and the fact that not longer than fifteen minutes ago I had briefly left this word.

"Infinite..." I murmured, barely able to speak up, head foggy. I was so tired, I wanted sleep, but I mustn't allow it. I could not wake up, and the desperation to die wasn't plaguing my mind anymore. Not at the moment anyway. "I don't want you to do that." What the hell am I saying?

For a split second, I remember something. Infinite gave me CPR to revive me, that means he... had his lips on mine...

He looks down at me, somewhat confused by this. His mismatched eyes seemed to be searching mine for a reason why those words left my mouth. Those eyes seemed weary, skeptical. Tough, like he has been through several lies before. Infinite wanted to know what I was going to gain by saying these things. He seemed so distrustful.

I can't blame him for thinking that half the shit that spurt out of people's mouths are lies. "You've changed... You're so different than the heartless monster everybody claimed you to be." I remember how people would say that Infinite should burn in hell for his crimes. How he murdered entire platoons and laughed afterwards. But now with the information that Infinite was forced to do these things... Infinite could start over, perhaps. Become a new person. Even bring the doctor who did this to him to justice.

"You were under Eggman's control, right? You... you..." The words were getting caught in my throat. I'm not used to speaking this much, my throat was dry, voice rough. Often, I think my responses through more since I choose silence rather than talking without thought. And then I usually never say what the sentence I carefully planned out in the end. But now, this was just what was happening: talking without fully planning out what I was saying. "You can start over, begin again. Maybe the Resistance would understand you were being manipulated. Maybe they will ask you to help take Eggman down. Maybe... you can help end the war."

Infinite looked displeased. Like this was what he didn't want to hear. A frown was across his face, more so than usual. "That's not what I want," he says. "I don't want to be near this war anymore. You don't understand. I had to watch as I killed all those people, observe from my own eyes as they bled, screamed." Infinite bares his teeth as his eyes move to the ground, remembering. "And I don't want to aid a feeble faction of bottom feeders that has Shadow within their ranks."

Infinite looks back at me, his eyes were angry again. I felt scared edging my heart. I slowly sit up, wincing. I hold a hand to my bleeding head, turning around to watch as Infinite stood up.

He must have seen my fear. Infinite sighed, closing his eyes. "I... apologize," he said. Infinite opens his eyes. "This is what I mean. I fear that there is some part of me that will snap if I'm near conflict. Something that will kill."

I shake my head slowly, pushing a hand on the ground to sit up. "That 'part of you' was Eggman controlling you like a character in a videogame. He made you do whatever he wanted you to do. That wasn't you." Infinite looked at me, silent. He didn't seem convinced.

"I get it... being afraid to 'snap'. I've lashed out at my friends a few times. And being near a warzone makes you..." I look at Infinite, almost unable to say the final word. "Scared."

Infinite looks at me like I've called him the worst possible name. His fists crunch together, he teleports towards me. He grabs the front of my shirt and pulls me toward him, nearly lifting me off the ground. I gasp, eyes widening with my heart pounding out of my chest. Infinite's eyes were angry, wild. His fangs were glistening, teeth gritted together. Were they always that sharp? Or is my fear highlighting danger?