the boy who was afraid of the dark

sunday 9:03 am, eliott

  i woke up on the couch, my arms wrapped around lucas as he cuddled in close to me. his hair was all in my face, but somehow i didn't mind. i liked how it smelled, like a mix of coconuts and vanilla. so, not even trying to resist the urge, i kissed it.

  he mumbled, and moved a tiny tiny bit.

  then he sighed, "can we stay here forever?"

  i looked down. i had completely forgotten that
another world existed. i had truly thought that it was just us and this one couch, everything else was gone. i didn't want to move, i didn't want my parents to come back, and i didn't want him to leave. i wanted to stay there, right in that position, forever.

  so i nodded, "ya. we can."

  i felt him smile. then frown, "actually...i have to pee."

  i laughed as he quickly jumped up and ran to the bathroom. i took this as a good opportunity to make breakfast. i walked into the kitchen, and started a new round for more coffee. while it brewed, i scanned the fridge. eggs. when lucas came back, i was getting the pan out to crack and fry them.

he smirked, "i don't think i trust you to make eggs."

i looked at him accusingly, then grabbed my heart as if i'd just been shot, "ah! right to the ego!"

he shimmied into my place, and butt-bumped me aside, "gimme that."

he got the eggs, the pan, and the stove going in one swift movement. he obviously wouldn't let me help, so i grabbed my finish mug of coffee and sat on the counter, watching him cook. i liked seeing that. i liked sitting here in a kitchen on a sunday morning, drinking coffee while he made breakfast. this is something i want nothing more than to get used to.

"so," i began. "is this something you do with everyone?"
  he turned his head, laughing, "do what?"

"you know," i sipped my coffee. "get insanely drunk with a guy, hook up with him, then spend the weekend chez lui."

he turned around his head, narrowing his eyes, "ah. un homme français, je vois."
i smiled.

but then he turned his head back down to the eggs and shrugged, "i've never done this before. you know, hook up with a guy. or gotten extremely wasted with a girl and spent the weekend at her place either, for that matter. i haven't really found the right person to do that kind of shit with yet, you know? like i haven't found anyone i really vibe with."

i nodded, "yeah. same."
i completely understood him. girls throw themselves at me, and i know i'm a dick for hooking up with them, but i always regret it. even lucille, i guess i thought i could find what was missing with her, but i couldn't. and then i just led her on. i'm ALWAYS looking for what's missing. it's like i have this other piece of me, my soulmate, out there somewhere and i'm completely empty and oblivious to everyone else until i find her. i eyed lucas, making the eggs, thinking about how this weekend has probably been the best couple days of my life since forever.
or him, i thought.

—- sunday 12:24, eliott

as soon as we ate the eggs, we went back to bed. we lied there, sleeping for a little bit longer. then, i grabbed my laptop from underneath my bed and i curled around him as we watched the sisterhood of the traveling pants.
finally, another dude that's an absolute slut for chick flicks.

somehow, around noon, we found ourselves crying in the bathtub at the end of titanic. we sat opposite each other, legs resting on the other's, with the laptop propped up from the floor. the water was filled with bubbles, and frankly so was the rest of the room.
we passed between us a tub of oreo ice cream and a spoon.

i chuckled between tears as i passed him the tub, "i feel like a girl treating herself."
he shrugged, "nah. we're missing face masks."

we stared at each other, sort of daring the other to suggest it.
"i don't have any." i realized.
"damn it." he laughed, snapping his fingers.

his laugh sounded like roses. if you could hear roses. i wanted to kiss him, but he was all the way across the tub.
i groaned, "let's get out."

—- sunday 14:17, eliott

despite my suggestion to get out, we didn't until about an hour later. instead, we watched heathers.

but around 2:15 ish, we were once again in my bed, him laying on top of me. we just cling on to each other, knowing this was our last day and that he would leave tonight. i realized that i hadn't touched my phone since friday night. i didn't even know where it was.

"what is this?" lucas interrupted my thoughts.
i didn't have an answer, so i just sighed, "i don't know."

"in another universe," he began. "we stay here forever."
"and in another, we get to walk into school tomorrow." i went along.
he sighed, sadly, "holding hands."

i slipped my hand into his, intertwining fingers. i felt like crying. a lump formed in my throat, tears stinging at my eyes.

why can't we? i felt so trapped, so contained. that was all i wanted to do. he was all i wanted, but i couldn't. no solid reason, i just couldn't. this was a fling. i couldn't put my whole life on the line for him, right?

he sighed, air from his mouth blowing against my chest. i liked how that felt. i stroked his hair, swallowing my tears. once again, we drifted off.

—- sunday 23:56, eliott

we sat there for the most of the rest of the day, too occupied with each other to do much else. he made pasta, and we ate, talking.

i got him to start reading my favorite book, "The Help", while he convinced me to read "The Outsiders".
we even sat there reading. it lasted only about five minutes though, before we were making out again.

we were cuddling in my bed when the time reached 23:57, almost midnight. my parents would be back in about two hours.
i looked down at him, and sighed.

"i know," he said. "i just...wanted to feel like this one more time."
once again i found myself biting back tears.

he got up, and started putting his clothes back on. i took my que, and did the same. i made note of the fact that when he pulls his sweatshirt over his head, his hair jumps back like a hedgehog's.

i took his hand and very slowly led him to the front door. he turned back, leaning against the wood and staring into my eyes. i stared back. for a while.
then he kissed me, and i pulled him into a tight hug.

"time to pretend this weekend never happened." he sighed, then kissed me once more before opening the door and disappearing behind the hallway walls.