the boy who was afraid of the dark

friday 11:58pm , lucas

a whole five days.
a week.

a whole week? it either felt like two minutes or two years, i couldn't decide.

it went so fast but so slow. so painfully but so empty.

i felt nothing but everything as i sat alone in my bed, staring at the ceiling and asking myself where in the hell is my eliott?

  and it's not like i was the only one affected. everyone was affected. his friends, his best friends, his family...
  everyone was worried.

  and i knew that. i did.
  but it still felt like i did something wrong. like he was running away from me. me specifically. and i couldn't figure out why.

  until i got the text that i will never forget receiving.

eliott❤️ demaury:
lucas, there is a bridge. it's off the corner of parkson street and strandle avenue. i say it's a bridge. it's not a bridge. it's so much more than a bridge. it's my home. i live here. i belong here. this is where i should always be, this is where i should rest. no one has been here. no one comes here. it's just me. alone. as i am. alone. and i should rest alone. j should fall to sleep alone. the bridge was my only friend for a while. it made me not alone. but it's just concrete. i'm alone either way. we're all alone. you're alone too. and i can't bear that thought. i don't want to leave you alone, but you don't have me anyway. because i love you but you deserve everything. dr. seuss said something really important in a book made for kids but it's was targeted at us. at me. i hold you back i hold you back i just weigh you down. i'm too afraid of the dark. i don't want to drag you with me. enjoy the light. but now, but now you're going to be fine lucas. oh, the places you'll go.

"oh, the places you'll go."
the places i will go.
without him?
i knew exactly what he was talking about but my brain didn't accept it.

  i knew what was going on but i was completely in the dark.
  i lowered my phone, and stared at the ceiling. i knew what i had to do.
  why didn't i go?
  why am i waiting?

eliott❤️ demaury:
i love you to the moon and back, lucas lallement.

  that was my sign.