Ken Dick

45 5 3

by Elephant_Reject

by Elephant_Reject

I woke up and got out of bed. I walked into the bathroom to take a piss. I took of my pants but found that I couldn't pee. I looked down and discover I had no dick.

It was like a fucking ken doll! How the hell am I going to charm the ladies if I don't have a dick‽ I took a deep breath and pulled up my pants. I looked and the mirror.

"Look! Paul everything is going to be okay!" I reassured myself.

I got dressed and tried to forget that god hates me. I went to the studio. John and Ringo were joking about something, it made me angry to see them so happy.

"Hey, Paul!" George said with a smile. I didn't need his fucking optimism right now.

"Fuck off!" I told him angrily.

"Looks like someone's grumpy." John teased. "Did someone not get their bottle?"

"Sorry George... it's just I'm upset about something." I said with a sigh.

"What is it?" George asked trying to be helpful.

"It's nothing... just never mind." I tried to dismiss it.

"What is it!" John said aggressively.

"Nothing!"

He asked me over and over again. I was beginning to get annoyed about it. I wanted to fucking kill John.

"I have no Dick!" I yelled. "Y'know..."

No one understood what I just said. They looked at me with puzzled faces. I pulled down my pants.

"You weren't kidding." John said as he looked at my nonexistent dick.

"It's like a fucking ken doll!" Ringo shouted.

All of a sudden god appeared in the center of the room. He took a look at me and then at my nonexistent dick.

"You know why I did this too you." He said like a disappointed parent.

"You ate my fucking tofu!" He screeched.

"The fuck? I don't have access to your fridge!" I defended.

"Jesus told me- Oh! Jesus ate my tofu!" God realized before leaving. I looked down and my dick was back.

"My dick is back! Hell yep!"

"Pull your fucking pants up!" John yelled at me!

I pulled up my pants and we started work on the new album. I was happy, I have a dick.

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