Rescue Me

Chapter 28: Doesn't deserve this

Screaming. That's all I can hear. Especially hers. The way her tiny, fragile body was thrown onto the road with such force, that's all I can see. Blood coating her clothes, her skin, her hair, my hands as I grip onto her tightly, trying to keep her awake, trying to do something but there's too much blood everywhere. The liquid sticking onto my hands and clothes, that's what I can feel, along with my heart being shattered and my world slowly crushing down on me in the most painful way.

"Josh! Josh!" People keep screaming my name but all I can concentrate on is her, how did I let this happen? I wish she was the one screaming my name, maybe then I'd try and pay attention to what they were trying to ask me. It all happened with the blink of an eye, how could I possibly answer all the questions they were throwing at me when it all happened in a split second?

How could they possibly ask me questions about her when even I am trying to figure out what happened. The car came out of nowhere, how could she have known? How could I have known and helped her? Then again it is my fault, it always is.

"JOSH!" A voice yells startling me from my thoughts. I look up and find Riley looking down at me, her eyes red from crying, her cheeks stained from her previous tears. Looking at her kills me, I caused those tears, I'm the reason why everyone's in the hospital hoping that the blonde makes it out alive. I'm the reason she's here, suffering.

Before I know it more tears fall from my eyes and I find myself sobbing on the hospital floor. Riley quickly kneels down and pulls me against her, "She's gonna be okay, she's a fighter" I hear her mumble, words that should be reassuring me that everything is going to be okay, did nothing but make me feel even worse. How could she know that everything is going to be okay? How does she know that Maya still wants to fight? How does she know anything?

"She's going to make it" I shake my head and pull away from the brunette. "How do you know? It's all my fault, I should be the one in there, I should be the one dying!" I shout slamming my hands onto the floor before breaking down once more in a puddle of tears.

She doesn't deserve this or anything that happened to her. I hurt the people I love. That's why I became who I was, that's why I told myself to never get attached to someone again. All my previous feelings are coming back with a force, the want to do something reckless and punish myself for letting this happen, for hurting the most precious girl in the world, the one who broke down my walls and loved me no matter my flaws.

"I'm the reason she's in there" I mumble looking back at Riley, "I hurt the people I love" I sniff lifting my hand up to wipe my face dry but my tears keep streaming down so I give up on trying to wipe them away. "This is why I cut people off, I don't want to hurt them" I whisper staring back down at my hands that still have Maya's blood on, my heart aching at the sight of the dried red liquid as an imagine of me gripping Maya plays back on my mind.

"You weren't driving the car" Riley points out, her voice soft and her hand reaching for mine. "How could that possibly ever be your fault? You're not the one who hit her" I shake my head and pull my hand away from her. "I'm the reason she was outside, crossing the road, if it wasn't for me she would've still been dancing inside" I argue.

"I don't believe that" Riley says simply with a shrug, "It was her choice to go outside, she could've gone anywhere to avoid you, she could've gone to me or the bathroom" she points out but I simply can't see it the way my niece does. "Josh you can't possibly blame yourself for everything that happens in your life" she says turning to face me.

"Nothing is your fault, not this not whatever happened when you were younger. Nothing!" She insists as she looks at me desperately. "Blaming yourself won't do you any good, I mean look at what happened to you, you became a careless prick because of it what g-" I cut her off "At least no one got hurt!" I shoot back.

"You did!" She snaps. "You were hurting yourself in every way possible, emotionally and physically. Maya told me" she confesses and my heart stops at the mention of her name. I turn to look at Riley, her brown filling with sadness and her face softening.

"When we were getting ready for the party, I asked her how you were doing and she told me that you were getting better everyday" she says with a small smile pulling at her lips. "She was so proud of you, she told me about this scar on your stomach, the one you got from your bike accident" I slowly nod. "The first time she saw it, she kept thinking about all the times you could've possibly ended your life because you were reckless, she was so sad at the thought of you being gone. She told me that everytime she looks at it now, it was a reminder of how much you've changed from the first day she met you till today".

For a second there's the smallest smile on my face as I think back to all of hour moments together. From the way she made me laugh and smile to the way she made me feel everytime she told me she loved me. Except the smile doesn't last long, it quickly drops as I remind myself where I am and what's currently happening.

"I'm sorry" Riley apologises making me look at her confused, "I'm sorry that our family was too stupid to see that you needed to be taken care of. I'm sorry that none of them noticed or tried to help you when you really needed it. I'm sorry that I never gave you a chance" she says with tears filling in her eyes.

"All I did was judge you instead of talking to you. I'm sorry that it took Maya to yell at me for me to see that you've changed" my face softens and I move to wrap an arm around her. "Its okay" I mumble as she moves to hug me.

The doctor suddenly comes out of a room and heads straight to Maya's parents who both instantly get up to get the news. When their faces drop and Maya's mom starts crying again, my heart drops, from that reaction it can only be bad news. The doctors walks away and shoots Riley and I a sad smile before heading back inside the room, however I keep my gaze on Shawn. When he slowly shakes his head I feel like I've just lost everything.

"What did he tell you guys?" Riley asks worriedly as she gets up from the floor and rushes over to the couple. "S-she um" Shawn stutters wiping his tears before finally letting out the sentence. "She isn't responding well in surgery and-and" his voice cracks as more tears start to fall from his face. "She's running out of time" he cries making Katie instantly pull him in for a tight hug.

As soon as the words leave his mouth it's like my world doesn't matter anymore. I could literally die and I wouldn't care because Maya is on the verge of dying because of me. How could I have ever done something like that to the person I love?

My breathing becomes uneven, my vision becomes blurry and my whole body become numb. Her screams invade my ears again, the sight of her on the floor covered in blood comes to sight causing me to scream out. Seeing her like that kills me. She doesn't deserve this!