Laughter [Tobuscus/Toby Turner]

Chapter Eighteen

He's awake.

I stand frozen, silent, waiting for God knows what. I just can't move. All I can do is stand and stare at him.

He heard when my coffee dropped, and now he's staring back, his beautiful eyes dull and lifeless, that stupid oxygen mask still on his face. His gaze is soft, like he's just seeing me for the first time. And I feel like I'm just now seeing him.

Before I know it, the doctor is rushing in behind me, and it snaps me back into reality. I rush over to his other side, holding his hand and laughing with relief when he clutches mine back. He's here, he's alive, after all that Hell, he's alive.

"Vitals are in order, he seems stable to me. I don't know what to say." The doctor says, wonder decorating the edges of his words. I smile at him, because that's the only thing I can do. But after the doctor leaves, and Toby and I are alone, I start to cry.

I just cry and cry and kiss him because he's awake, Toby's awake, and even though he's half dead and looks like shit he's awake, he's alive. And even though he's not speaking, he's here. Toby can hear me and see me and he's here, he's alive.

"I love you, too." That's the first thing I say to him, and I tell him over and over. "I love you, I love you so much. I love you, Toby. I love you, too."

- - -

Fast forward a few hours, and Toby's sitting up in bed, but he hasn't spoken, and it's driving me insane. I got him his favorite food and we sat down with his laptop and pulled up Netflix and I let him watch whatever he wanted. But no words have come out. None.

Eventually, he falls asleep, and I kiss him once, for good measure. Then, I head downstairs, where they have a Starbucks, of all places. After ordering myself and Toby some coffee, I head back upstairs. When I get back into the room, Toby is asleep. I shiver from the quiet.

But even though he hasn't said anything yet, the world is so much brighter now that Toby is back in it.

- - -

Right when I wake up, I go to give Toby a kiss, but he stops me by grabbing my hand. I pause, mid-motion, and stare at him. He takes a deep, shuddery breath, like the ones you take when you're about to cry or yell.

"You know..." He croaks, and my hand goes up to cup his cheek, and he takes another deep breath. "the first time..." breath. "I knew I was in..." breath. "love with you?"

I start to cry, not just because it seems to pain him to speak, but because his voice sounds so dead, broken. But it's his voice, and I'm so happy to hear it again. I show a watery smile, shaking my head gently. He rests his hand on my cheek.

"When I asked you... who you were... and you said... you were nothing special." He breathes, and I choke on a sob. "I was determined... to show you... that you're special... to me."

- - -

THERE ARE TEARS GOD DAMNIT TOBY