CHAPTER ELEVEN
TRIGGER WARNER: this chapter will include some graphic material that may be displeasing to some readers. You may skip this chapter and continue onto the next if this makes you uncomfortable.
"All I see is darkness and you."
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We, as humans, always get asked to explain why the world sucks. All these different adjectives stumble into our heads, some fitting and some not, while we try to search for the perfect word to describe why this sphere of a planet makes us feel like- this.
And maybe it was the alcohol making it's way into his system or the amount of pills dissolving internally because Michael laid there, for maybe the last time ever, wondering what made him feel like that.
Because we all get fucked over and torn apart but it's times like this when the bad outweighs the good and you don't know how to breathe anymore when you realize that maybe death is the greatest way to go. Getting rid of the feeling seems to be better than fixing the problem.
His pale arms felt cold against his hot neck and a silent sob washed through his body. His eyelids felt heavy and the pain in his stomach felt amazing. His hair stuck to his forehead while his legs remained still. The beat of his heart pounded, a familiar beat he felt when she kissed him.
But why did the feelings she gave him feel similar to the way it is to die? The deja vu of how he laid on his bed after they first made love sent another sob cursing through his body.
And maybe it was the alcohol making it's way into his system or the amount of pills dissolving internally that made him think he felt her lips on his again.
But she didn't love him because how can a lonely person love? His weak hands grabbed onto his bed sheets, just like when she made him feel alive. His hands trembled violently, just like when she made him feel alive. His throat felt dry but he loved it, just like when she made him feel alive.
Dying was what he felt when he was with her.
So as he laid there, dying from their memories and dying from the things that can actually kill you, he realized that there is no perfect word to describe this world because this world isn't a speck close to perfect because you can be in your bed killing yourself while the girl who gave you the memories is fucking your best friend.
And Michael laughed for the last time, smiled for the last time because oh, how stupid he was for believing in love at first sight.
-a/n: did i just kill michael clifford
i actually really liked this so
