𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐥𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝟑. carl grimes

4 - EARLY

Constant nightmares of Glenn and Abraham's death are what I get every time I try to get some sleep.

It's been days, but none of us have moved on. Maggie is safe and sound back at the Hilltop with Sasha, while the rest of us are trying to find things to provide for the shitface.

I can't sleep, I haven't slept properly for days, but I can only imagine what Maggie's going through right now. Same goes to Rosita. I tried to talk to her the other day, but she just pushed me away. I don't blame her if she doesn't wanna talk, I was like that before.

Glenn and Abraham's death, followed by the news of Morgan not being back yet from finding my mom, makes me feel worse than ever. Nobody knows where they are, or if they're still even alive. What if Negan found them and held them hostage as well? I really hope not. Please, no.

I slowly sat up and tried to control my heavy breathing. Sweat is covering my entire body as I try to remove the images in my head.

"Farren?" Carl's sleepy voice asked from behind me but I don't turn around.

"Go back to sleep." I muttered, wiping the sweat off my forehead. I stand up, making Carl ask me where I'm going. "I'm just gonna get some water."

I got out of our room before going downstairs and straight to the kitchen. I grabbed a glass of water before slowly drinking it, calming myself down. Carl comes down seconds later, walking towards me, making me sigh.

"I told you to go back to sleep." I muttered, finishing the glass of water before putting it in the sink. Carl blocks my way when I tried to walk pass him. "Carl... not now, please. Let's just go back to sleep."

Still, he didn't moved an inch. "Stop doing this."

I looked up at him, brows furrowed. "Doing what?"

"You're doing it again," he said, confusing me even more. "You're pushing me away again."

The sadness in Carl's eyes hurts my heart even more and my face softens. I promised myself that I won't push Carl away again, that I'm not gonna do this to him again, but I'm doing it again. I guess this is just how I grieve, pushing people away until I'm finally okay.

"Don't do this to me." Carl says softly, stepping closer to me. "Don't do this to yourself. Talk to me, Farren. You don't have to deal with this all by yourself."

All I can feel is emptiness and so much guilt in me. It's my fault Glenn died, it's my fault that Maggie lost her husband and it's my fault that we lost another family. It's my fault that the baby inside Maggie won't get to know who his or her father is. The guilt is eating me up but the emptiness is sucking all my emotions away.

"Glenn died because of me." I said firmly and slowly, trying to gulp down the lump in my throat. "It's my fault he's gone."

Carl shook his head. "No. No, it isn't your fault. It was all Negan—"

"If I didn't punched one of his men then maybe he wouldn't have done that." I cut him off, balling up my fists on my sides. "Negan basically said it, I angered him and so did Daryl, and we both got Glenn killed. Can't believe I was that stupid to—"

Carl cuts me off by kissing me, shutting me up. I kissed back without a second thought, letting myself feel for just this moment.

Every time Carl holds me and kisses me, just for a moment, I forget about what happened and who we've lost.

For a moment, he takes me away from reality and brings me to this other world where nothing else seem to matter but him and I.

Just for a moment, I'm in bliss that nobody can really explain and as much as I want to stay in this fantasy world, I can't. We both can't.

"This is nobody's fault, not yours and not Daryl's. It's all on Negan. Okay?" Carl reassures me, cupping my face in his hands. I closed my eyes, leaning into his touch, before nodding. "Okay."

— next day

Immediately, I hid the switchblade inside my boot and tucked my gun under my shirt. It's a new gun, the one my dad gave me was taken away by the Saviors. I'm itching to get it back but I know it's a bad idea.

They said they'd visit here in a week, but they came today, they're early. Carl and I are looking out the window as we watch the Saviors pile inside our home, the shitface called Negan was talking to Rick before my eyes landed on a particular person wearing a jumpsuit with the letter 'A' spray painted on his front.

"Daryl..." I muttered before I try to run to the door, but Carl stops me.

"I need you here." He said and I was going to resist again, but he insists I stay here. "Judith needs us, Farren."

I sighed agressively before looking out the window again. Negan's men started scattering, entering houses. Two of them walked towards our house and spotted us by the window. One of them, I recognized as the man I punched, scowled when he saw me, before they kicked the door open.

"Well, well, well." The man said, smirking. "Missed us?"

Carl slowly pulls me behind him, both of us glaring at the man. The man chuckled at us before licking his lips. "We're here to take half of your stuff. So... scooch, cockroaches."

Carl doesn't move and I see the other man pull out his gun, so I gripped on Carl's flannel before slowly pulling him back. The two Saviors started taking what they want, until they got to our medicines. I noticed they aren't taking half of our medicines, they're taking it all.

"Hey, Negan said half of everything." I reminded the two men, but they didn't stopped.

Carl pulled out his gun and fired close to the two men, making them jump and stop. They looked at us, scowling. My eyes widened as I look at my boyfriend. He shouldn't have fired because it might make things worse, but I don't say a word.

"Put some back or the next one goes in you." Carl says boldly, still aiming the gun at them.

The man chuckled. "Kid... what do you think happens next?"

"You die." Carl answers as Rick enters the room, before I see a smiling Negan following him.

"Carl, Carl, put it down." Rick tells to his son but the former doesn't do what he says. "No. He's taking all of our medicine. They said only half our stuff."

I tensed up when Negan passed me and goes to Rick's side. "Of course. Oh-ho. Really, kid?"

I gripped on Carl's flannel again, tugging on it but he ignores me. Instead, he answers Negan. "And you should go. Before you find out how dangerous we all are."

Negan looks amused. "Well, pardon me young man. Excuse the shit out of my goddamn French, but... did you just threaten me? Look, I get threatening Davey here, but I can't have it. Not him, not me."

"Carl, just put it down." Rick gets cut off by Negan raising his finger up, silencing him. "Don't be rude, Rick. We are having a conversation here. Now boy, where were we? Oh yeah. Your giant, man-sized balls. No threatening us. Listen, I like you, so I don't want to go hard proving a point here. You don't want that. I said half your shit, and half is what I say it is. I'm serious. Do you want me to prove how serious? Again?"

I turned away from Negan, gripping Carl's flannel even tighter, before whispering in his ear. "Just give them the gun, please."

Carl sighs before giving his gun to his dad. Negan sighs and turns to Rick. "You know, Rick, the whole thing reminds me that you have a lot of guns. There's all the guns you took from my outpost when you wasted all my people with a shit-ton of your own guns, and I'm betting there's even more, which adds up to an absolute... ass-load of guns, and as this little emotional outburst just made crystal clear... I can't allow that."

There was a few seconde of silence, before Negan speaks again.

"They're all mine now. So tell me, Rick... where are my guns?"